r/Adulting May 05 '19

Master Post: So you want to be a motherfucking successful ass adult


So, you want to be a fucking successful adult. CONGRATS, I have written some how-to’s for you so you can start to get your fucking shit together.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Adulting with Depression

Here are some fucking FAQ’s on the parts I wrote so that you don’t have to scroll through and upvote every single nice comment in the comment section on all of the parts.

Q: Are there going to be more parts?

A: Yeah probably. But I have a fucking life where I do things that aren’t writing how-to’s, so they will arrive whenever I am feeling generous enough to give advice and have the energy to write about said advice.

Q: You should write a book.

A: Thank you, I am. The book is in the works, basically it’s a fucking 100-page rant where I talk about how to wash your balls.

Q: How old are you? Are you a boy or a girl?

A: I am an adult. I will not tell you my age because once I do you will suddenly have all these pre-conceived judgements about the quality of the advice I give. But here is a hint, I am older than 18 and younger than 50. I am a person. Take a guess on my gender and if you get it right Ill give you a fucking star.

Q: Why can’t you write normally?

A: Because there are a bajillion fucking self-help books out there written normally, and there are like 5 that are written in a way that people fucking relate to and listen to. If cursing turns you off then good. I only want readers who can fucking read this shit with a boner 6 miles long.

Q: I have a tip that you don’t mention, can you add it to the article?

A: Sure, if its actually fucking good. Send me a message with your advice that you think is good enough to make it, and I’ll add it to the end of the article and credit you.

Q: I run a podcast/YouTube channel/ blog, can I interview you or have you guest speak?

A: Generally, yes. My time is precious, so if you want me to write something completely new for your shit its going to take a while and will probably cost you more than exposure.

Q: What do you do when you aren’t cussing people out on the internet?

A: I own a business and am a stay at home parent. When I am not writing, I am packing orders, creating or listing new product, taking care of my son, or playing with my two dogs. I rarely have any down time.

If you have more questions you want answered or have an idea for an article you want me to write, send me a PM. I will decide if its cool enough for me to respond to it.

r/Adulting 10h ago

My 30s have been so isolating


The friends I would hang and party with in my mid-late 20s have all kind of moved on. They are mostly married and one by one keep moving closer to the suburbs. It’s more effort to maintain these friendships and I often feel left out or like I don’t belong as the single dude. I’ve dated a little here and there but not much in the past few years, I’m afraid of dating apps and just don’t meet that many single women organically anymore. I switched to a 100% remote job during covid and honestly yeah offices suck but I feel so alone sitting around my house all day. My drinking (and scrolling endlessly on my phone) has ramped up lately and I feel kind of hopeless. I go to therapy and have taken steps like joining social sports leagues, I’m a reasonably functional, responsible adult if you look past the self medication, but I still just feel like my life is so far off the rails. It feels pretty overwhelming lately and I don’t know what to do

Edit: pretty surreal that I woke up hungover and feeling miserable, felt compelled to vent somewhere, threw a quick paragraph on Reddit and it instantly became the most popular thing I’ve ever posted. I get very down on myself when I know it’s on me to enact positive change in my life but instead I reach for a beer and make things worse. Lots of people have reached out or asked questions in comments and I’m sorry if I haven’t responded (or never do), it’s a lot. Thanks to all of you that cared enough to read and respond. If nothing else it’s nice to know there are so many people out there dealing with similar problems.

r/Adulting 8h ago

Do most women find most men unattractive?


Saw a viral post on TikTok of a women that said finding a handsome man is like trying to find gold. It’s rare, but on the other hand finding a pretty woman come a dime a dozen. Would y’all women agree?

But on the other hand the issue with men that are seen as handsome or have that model appearance, a lot of people think their feminine and play for the other team so it’s almost like either way men can’t win in that regard. I even just saw in the comments when a man got hairline transplants on Instagram people as talking shit about him.

r/Adulting 6h ago

The fear of fucking up is so overwhelming in your early 20s.


I graduated college this year. Have a full time job in my field. But I know the pay and career advancement in said job i’m currently in is non existent. Right now, it’s fine for me but in the next 5 years? Nope.

Now I’m trying to find which master’s program would be beneficial for me but I’m scared of picking something that would end up being useless. I’ve heard of people going to school and not even finding a job afterwards.

I’m trying to build a career for myself, while also trying to enjoy being in my 20s but while also trying to invest in myself now so I am not struggling later on. It’s fucking tough.

Edit: those in your 30s+, how did you navigate your 20s career wise? What do you do now for work? I always hear people say their 30s were so much better than their 20s!

r/Adulting 21h ago

Does anyone else wasted their early 20s on depression/anxiety?


I'm turning 25 in two month. Honestly, realization started hitting me only a few days ago. I think it's the age when you start to analyze where you're at in your life, what you achieved, your overall experience on this earth, etc. And here I am, wasted my early 20s being isolated in my room due to severe anxiety, clinical depression and agoraphobia. Dropout from university, stuck at my parent's house, jobless, friendless, bitchless. By all means, just a loser. I have so many things to catch on that other people have by default. Zero good memories, zero experiences, zero fun. Crazy shit. I regret not taking proper help years ago, instead I just spiraled into mental health hell. I'm doing a little better, thanks to therapy, but damage has been done. Is anyone experience this? How do you cope? Do you feel sad for wasted years?

r/Adulting 14h ago

Changed my psych meds. This is how normal people function?


For years I have been doing the bare minimum to keep myself alive. I want to do things like learn to cook, finish my degree, make friends, read books, go on dates, but I opt to rot in bed because my depression and anxiety was so bad, my anxiety especially makes it near impossible to function.

About a week ago I added Zoloft and Ability to the Welbutrin I was already taking and I'm worried it might be a placebo effect but for the first time ever I'm feeling like I can actually do stuff. I haven't had a panic attack in four days. I have started eating food I make myself at scheduled times instead of driving to MacDonalds in the middle of the night. I used to not know how people were able to make lunch for work every day but I've been packing my own lunch and I discovered my lunch bag has a perfect little spot it fits in the fridge door. I organized my fridge and threw out old food. I've been able to fold my laundry as soon as it's done instead of todssing it all in a basket wrinkled together.

All these things that I couldn't figure out how other people were able to do are just so easy and super simple now. I feel like I've unlocked some huge secret. I feel like I'm suddenly doing super well with all this adulting stuff and all it was was a mismatch of brain chemicals.

r/Adulting 22h ago

How do you actually live when so much of your energy is used to do the basic?


I (32f) feel that I use all the energy I have to just do things like work, laundry, cooking, cleaning, groceries, paying bills. And that's it. I don't have the energy to plan something nice to myself or do something after I arrive from work. All I want is to rest, rest and rest.

r/Adulting 1h ago

I feel like I have done nothing with my life


I am 57 and I feel like I have not accomplished anything in my life. It seems like it is too late to catch up. Does anyone else feel this way?

r/Adulting 2h ago

Never finished my degree...better to go to community College or pay 200000 to try to go back to my original top 10 school?...I'm 30


I am dumb as bricks now.. I used to be smart which is how I got into a good school but now I feel sooo hopeless that a degree from a community College would get me any job opportunities.... I'm just so tired.. I'm OK looking and I wonder if I should just marry someone who makes money but I'm too lazy to even do that..

r/Adulting 6h ago

I've only been interested in 3 women in 7 years is that normal?


I know I was told women are like busses miss one another one is around the corner and I understand that but honestly I've only been interested in 3 women in 7 years. Didn't work out for various reasons. but I'm giving up hope. I'm not sure women I like actually exist. the last lady I liked ended up stringing me along and ended up being a theif and an alcoholic. idk I guess I'm not normal idk.

r/Adulting 1h ago

Feel like I suck at life...


I'm 22F and I can't decide anything. Like my judgement is so bad. I never know what the "right" thing to do is. Just a year ago during this time I wanted to do grad and get a PhD. Now I feel like that would have been the worst decision ever. Dropped my master's thesis because I couldn't stand the thought of being stuck in that lifestyle anymore (not trashing anyone who is doing research, it's just not for me). Idk I'm just studying like always. I clean once in a while (can't get in the habit of doing it regularly). I never cook. Feels too exhausting to look up recipes, go to the store and get them all, and then actually do the cooking and cleaning. Plus everything I've ever made sucked. I also have really bad anxiety. I am always paranoid of pissing people off by doing/saying the wrong things (it's ocd I think). Also, I don't think I'm bad at driving but the fact that I overanalyze every situation makes me nervous. Like I can't tell if I should wait for the pedestrian to finish crossing or they are far away enough for me to just go. I feel like being careful is good, but being over careful is bad. I don't know what to do. Anyone else like this?

r/Adulting 3h ago

Keep it simple, y'all


I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger, as we all do. One thing I wish I would have done differently was not making things more complicated. I see a few of my friends today in their 40's and 50's still borrowing additional trouble, making the simplest of problems a gargantuan maze. It is an expenditure of time and energy that does us no good.

I see a decent number of posts here that read this way. Not all, but many.

Be kind to yourselves. Break things down to the simplest components possible. Don't tie gordian knots into life's troubles.

Know I don't use "simple" to mean "easy". Life requires us to work hard at times, and adding more to it does us each a disservice.

r/Adulting 19h ago

How to deal with the guilt of dating a girl with no friends?


I have no friends either, but I keep myself occupied

I am dating this girl, and she has no friends, and she doesn't do much in her free time

Now, she does not pressure me ONE bit about hanging out with her. Me and her are naturally clingy, but of course I need time to myself to work on my goals

When me and her don't meet, she is alone in her apartment. She has no roommates and our city is not her hometown. She works from home and deals with depression due to childhood loneliness. She tells me a puppy is enough to keep her occupied

She has never once been too busy to meet. That tells me she is waiting for us to meetNow I feel really guilty and bad whenever our date or hanging out ends, because I know I will be occupied, but she will go back to her apartment.

I have begged her a few times to try to make friends etc but she says she doesn't think anyone would like her. Which makes me feel even more bad

I feel immense guilt and almost feel like crying because I feel so bad for her. Again she doesn't bug me one bit, but how do I stop feeling guilty about her being alone?

r/Adulting 3h ago

The burden of responsibility.


In the past few months I...

- got a 4.0 in a full courseload of college-level classes, as an independent first-generation college student with ADHD.

- got a new, low-stress job with supportive co-workers closer to home

- started a student organization, which is the first of its kind at my college

- got two full scholarships for a year-long performing arts programs

- started an emergency fund and raised my credit score to 750

- started getting more active in my daily life and eating more balanced meals, as someone who has had disordered eating in the past

- made three solid, supportive friends

- kept up with 'lifeing' ; laundry, cleaning, meal prepping, etc

Yet, I still feel like I'm missing so much. Even though I know I'll get to the places I want to be in life someday, the waiting part feels harder than the work I have to do to get myself there.

r/Adulting 1h ago

How do you find the right therapist?


I know this is a rudimentary question here, but I’m trying to find a therapist for social anxiety and loneliness (fear of being single forever). Won’t waste time posting too much details, since literally every other post here is about the same issues and I think people are getting fatigued reading about everyone whining about life - sorry in advance 😬. But I’m a 35 year old male and recently had a 6 year relationship come to an end.

In the past I would take advantage of my college and graduate schools’ free counseling services. But for different issues than what’s mentioned above (grad school stress or freshman blues etc.). My experience overall was mixed. Some I clicked really well with and others it just didn’t feel as helpful, if that makes sense.

I’ve been trying to read some online therapists bios to get a better sense of their approach. But what else can I do to make a better decision?

Thanks for any thoughts on the matter.

r/Adulting 1h ago

First time being financially independent - rent for a bit before looking to buy a house?


I recently just turned 30, and the last several years have been very weird due to grad school during the pandemic, changing careers, almost doing both PT school and a PhD but deciding not to. I feel like I blinked and went from 23 to 30.

I’ve been living with my folks since finishing grad school, and trying to decide my long term plan (going back to school or not). Im now at a place where I’m looking to move out, and become financially independent, since I own my own successful small business as a personal trainer.

My question is: what are everyone’s thoughts on getting a year or two (maybe more) of renting under my belt before looking to buy a home? I have a fair amount saved up, but living in Seattle is expensive unfortunately. Would renting be a bit of a waste since I wouldn’t be building equity in a home?

r/Adulting 1d ago

Does anyone else find Christmas shopping overwhelming?


It should be simple, but every year I am anxiety ridden thinking what are some of the perfect gifts to get my family and friends. I want it to be thoughtful and know it's something they like. I think I make shopping harder than it has to be. I cannot be the only one!?

r/Adulting 2h ago

Turning 18, What are the Must haves.


As the title suggests, I wanna ask it earlier so I would be informed of what to do, get an advantage and wont miss out on an opportunity as I grow up

r/Adulting 1h ago

Accidentally applied to a job that isn’t suitable


Hi, i have been applying for part time jobs, and did so through indeed. I have been asked for an interview and trial shift, but it is only now that it has come to my attention, that the place is only open I quite late hours! As a full time student- it’s not really the most practical thing to have a job with a long commute and late shifts.. on the job description the hours weren’t stated and therefore I assumed it would just be average daytime to evening hours… the interview is tomorrow, and I’m afraid I’ll just be wasting my own and their time by showing up and going “ hey I actually don’t think I can work here”- but I have already moved the date once through e-mail, and it might be an asshole move to state the issue on a mail again; on the actual day even… what should one do in such situation?

r/Adulting 2h ago



I recently was layed off from my job and I have some money in my 401k but when I go to withdraw some money so i can survive until i start my next job, it says I can only withdraw based on valid reasons like buying a house to paying for a medical procedure, and it makes me specify a reason for it. Why do I need a reason to take out my own money? I feel like if I lie ill get in a lot of trouble but maybe I can pay medical and not give any other details cause hippa is a thing? Idk I need adult help

r/Adulting 16h ago

How to react when someone tells you they had a baby?


I'm in my early 20s and recently realized that I have no idea how to feel or react when someone tells me they got married or had a baby.

This is no reflection on the people and is entirely a "me" problem. I am just not in that zone yet and am often occupied in my own world. So I didn't really register the fact that I would have to handle this part of social life so soon.

So, any tips on how to handle this would be appreciated. I don't want to react awkwardly and want to express that I am indeed very happy for them.

r/Adulting 5h ago

Ontario: How do I mail an application, along with payment and supporting documents


I know it's bad, I'm 23. But honestly I've never had to do anything like this before

I need to fill out a 19 page form, and provide a criminal record check along with money and mail it to a government building

Do I just go to Shoppers Drug Mart and ask them what type of envelope I need?

I know this is a stupid question but I never did anything like this before

r/Adulting 0m ago

Regarding adult supervision?


At which age do I finally acquire it? I am in my midforties and my vision is actually going into the opposite direction.

r/Adulting 1d ago

Anyone ever think of just saying F-it and going off the grid for a few years?


I tend to get this intrusive thought. Like one day I'm going to get sick of the world or fed up with all the BS in daily life. Pack up a duffle bags worth of stuff, and go straight up walk into the wilderness and stay there for a few years. Hopefully I'll have learned how to survive. Or maybe just bring the essentials. Does anyone else feel this way? Like just disappearing for a few good years. Maybe in another country. Or off the grid kinda way.

r/Adulting 8h ago

Best ways to rebuild a life you never had?


I’m in my 40s since I was 16 I’ve been my family fixer from my dad getting cancer and dying to going through college to my mom and her various health and increasing mental issues to my own. For the past 7 years my mom has become increasingly erratic I had to take on more of a responsibility which killed anything I wanted for me. Ended up filing bankruptcy 2 years ago. Lost jobs due to being unfocused since I was always under pressure. Suspected I had adhd earlier this year got tested diagnosed already had depression was in meds. Now on adhd meds and im thriving. Was diagnosed type 2 diabetic 13 years ago which almost killed me, lost 50 pounds in 3 weeks. Gained weight back big time. In January this year my mom had several heart attacks was hospitalized dementia was also confirmed. My grandmother had it so odd are I’ll probably get it or already do have it. Attempted to kill myself in February after some issues with her landlord that also be and issues with my landlord. I was also very lonely and isolated due to all the responsibilities I had that I honestly didn’t want. Woke up one morning and said fuck it all. Stopped the attempt before it happened.

Instead got healthy and looked for ways to reboot my life. Lost 25 pounds started cooking my own meals, got my finances in order improved my credit from bad to good. And got promoted at my job and now I’m relocating to our newest region to oversee that state and the expansion to other states, after flirting with moving to Canada where the rest of my family is but my French is not great even though it is technically my native language, and from reading about the rent and housing issues there I put this move on pause. My uncle did say he could get me a job at his company where I would be making almost 200k American but again, housing costs and medical issues such as finding a dr up there made me pause it.

My social skills are not great I’m a funny guy ppl like me but I’m not social.
I’m looking at moving to the new state where my money stretches farther as the reboot I needed. I’m very excited. I already have my apartment set up just waiting to move. I got my mom in a nursing home in my soon to be former old state while I figure out what to do with her.

So my priorities are improved health so I can get off diabetes meds, save money and pay off any debts I can and buy a house within 2-3 years. I’m frugal or cheap so no impulsive buys from me.

I do want to be a bit more social and hopefully meet a great woman and have a family.

How do I do that ? I’m not a drinker so bars are kind of useless to me. What else should I be looking to do?

r/Adulting 38m ago

Advice for Manning up.


Its like i blinked and I am living like a 25 year old man child. Maybe I had a soft life and that has led to reckless decisions. I just woke up one day and realised i am an adult, cant be living like a kid. Need to plan for the future, be hygienic, excercise, work hard in school and at work and be a positive influence in my society.

Currently reading the master post but incase there are others that just woke up one morning and found out they had grown up and had to drop certain things are there any practical steps one can take?