r/AmItheAsshole 2d ago

Open Forum AITA Monthly Open Forum - December 2023


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r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

AITA for calling my girlfriend a bitch for lying about an emergency to test my commitment?


My girlfriend (29 F) Andrea and I (29 M) have been together for a few months now. Everything had gone smoothly until yesterday, when she pulled off a ridiculous stunt.

She called me late at night to say that she's seriously injured/having panic attacks and that no one else is with her as her parents are out (which was true, they were out). She said that she's also got some chest pain and she thinks that she's dying, and that she's in a really bad state and can hardly breath (she was heaving while she spoke). She begged me to help her (said that she's already called 911 but that she also wanted to let me know), and I was shocked.

I took my car to rush towards her house, and it was only after reaching that I found out that she was joking about it. She met me joyfully and said that she only wanted to see how "committed" I am during an emergency as that's an essential part of a relationship or something.

I lost my temper and asked her what the fuck her problem was. She said that she was just 'testing' me and I got pissed off. I called her a "fucking bitch" and told her that I did not deserve to be treated like trash and made use of like that. She was crying by saying that she only wanted to check whether I am a good fit and that I overreacted. I left the house immediately and haven't talked to her since. She's been texting me, but I just ignored her.


r/AmItheAsshole 6h ago

AITA for refusing to style my 12yo daughters hair?


Basically, I'm white and Native American. My daughter's dad is Puerto Rican and Native American. My hair is straight and blonde and my ex's hair is black, coarse and frizzy/poofy. My daughter has a mixture of both of our hair. When it's longer, it becomes more straight and super easy to style. When it's short, it's nearly impossible to even brush through, let alone style. I've always had long hair but her dad and her grandmother think long hair is ugly. I mean, there was even a time back years ago where my exs mom insisted on "cutting off my dead ends" and told me she wouldn't cut it short (it was down to my ass) and she literally chopped it right below my shoulders and said "oh that's so much better" and got pissed at me for saying I hated it and would never let her touch my hair again. Needless to say, me and my ex broke up shortly after.

For years my daughter would go to visits and come home with her hair chopped off. If I made any comments about it, I was met with a "she's my fucking kid too. You aren't the boss. What happens at my house is none of your business. You don't make the fucking rules." But 2 years ago my daughter started telling them she wanted to grow her hair out because she couldn't style her short hair without my help and we were both getting pissed off and short fused over having to wake up 1-2 hours earlier every morning just to brush through her hair and style it to a point where she didn't feel insecure at school. During that time they respected her wishes and didn't touch her hair.

But a month ago her grandmother and dad started bitching about her hair again. I made a point to tell them not to touch her hair without her permission because I have a newborn at home now and can't take 1-2 hours every morning to style her hair anymore. Well.. they convinced my daughter to chop off her hair this past weekend and sure enough, my daughter is in my room at 5:30am asking me to help her with her hair, while I'm nursing my newborn. I told her no. I had just started feeding the baby. She immediately flipped out. She said "my grandmother said you should be taking time to do my hair and that you have 2 kids, not 1." I texted the grandmother and asked wtf she said to my kid and she said "as a mom you need to prioritize both kids, not just the baby. Do your daughters fucking hair." I didn't do my kids hair. She is blaming me for feeling insecure at school now.

ETA: she told me she gave her grandmother permission to cut her hair. She cannot style it herself. She can't even brush through it alone. She has tried. It takes me 1-2 hours brushing and styling it. She's been to salons. I've paid hundreds for product that basically just mask the issue. What it boils down to is that she cannot handle her short hair without my help and I do not have the time or energy to take 1-2 hours every morning to do her hair right now, after being up with a baby all night. Her, her grandmother and her dad all knew this because I straight up told them before cutting my kids hair that I didn't have time to do her hair in the morning. It was a power play or an attempt to turn my kid against me- which is why her grandmother made a point to tell HER that I have 2 kids, not 1 and should be taking time to do her hair.

r/AmItheAsshole 11h ago

AITA for not visiting my SIL and her new baby because I'm angry at her?


I really need an unbiased opinion here, as I'm really angry at this situation and don't know if I am genuinely being unreasonable.

I (f33) am a single mom to my daughter Ellie (f15). I've got a brother (m29) who's been married for a year, his wife being Hannah (f28). They've been together for a total of 3 years.

A couple weeks ago, Hannah has given birth to their first child together. She's welcomed visitors but I have no intention on visiting her and their baby because I'm angry at her.

I'm angry because a month ago, Hannah and my brother stayed at my place temporarily for a week. They were between rent leases and didn't have anywhere else to go in the meantime. I wasn't enthusiastic about them staying as my relationship with my brother has been complicated but I wanted to help them out.

On the day they arrived and on the day they left, Hannah had screamed at my daughter and berated her for very petty things.

The first was Ellie helped them bring their stuff into the house, and she left a pack of their soda bottles on the kitchen counter. They ended up being forgotten about until sort of dinner time and Hannah got all riled up because they weren't in the fridge and warm soda makes her feel sick. She did say sorry to Ellie afterwards but it didn't seem genuine and she just blamed it on her hormones.

The second time happened when I was at work. Ellie had eaten some fruit roll up snacks that were in the kitchen, which I do sometimes buy for her. These ones actually belonged to Hannah (which my daughter didn't realise) and she screamed at Ellie and made her cry, telling her she's useless and stupid. My brother tried to calm Hannah down and drove her to the store to buy some more of the snacks. Hannah never apologized for this and pretended as if nothing has happened.

I confronted Hannah about this and she still hasn't apologized. She said that she's just heavily pregnant and on edge, and implied that my daughter has no manners and should've asked before eating the snacks.

Ellie is in the clingy teenager phase so she's told me everything about how she feels about this. She doesn't want to visit Hannah and the new baby and quite frankly neither do I. I can't really look at Hannah quite the same. I'd never scream at someone else's child the way she did, even when I was pregnant and especially for such small things, and I'm struggling to understand why she'd overreact so much and be so mean-spirited towards my daughter.

My brother has been asking why we haven't been over to visit and I explained to him it's because I'm upset at his wife's actions. He says I'm overreacting and babying my daughter. Our parents got themselves involved and told me I'm being a jerk and hurting everyone's feelings. Am I the asshole?

r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for telling my SO I’m out if his mom moves into the house she “gave” us?


My SO & I started dating in 2013. After a 1yr, I ask about moving in together. He agrees, but says he needs to be home because he’s the only kid here (half bro is across the country) & they were getting older. I reluctantly agreed. I figured I can help out & maybe save some money for us to get our own place.

6yrs later & I’d had it. The patches to my complaint were, “We’ll reno the basement & move in there.” We spend our money doing this. Their cabin up North also becomes our project. Both his parents say, “That will be yours. The house in the city will go to BIL” The BIL is scum of the earth and does nothing to help them, but sure.

I get so fed up with of both his parents, that after I was laid off from my job due to COVID, I have an idea. Since their cabin up North was vacant & was going to become ours anyways, I’ll move up there & finish construction. We agree that I would pay the cost of the place, so now it’s a free turnkey vacation spot for them.

I moved without my SO. His parents still demanded him to be there to help. For 3yrs I lived on my own, with the SO making the 6hr round trip to visit on weekends. MIL would say “My son needs to start his life with you. I don’t want to hold him back.”

September of 2022 - SO finally moves. The FIL’s health takes a steep decline, & eventually in August of 2023, passes. My MIL now lives on her own. The BIL STILL has yet to show up & at least pay her a visit. We take weeks off work & help her through the process. She has 4 choices - stay in her current city, move to where her other son lives, move to the US where her family lives, or move up closer to us. She chooses us.

Last night, while on one of her daily wine-induced rants, she demands why we haven’t offered to have her live with us, until she “needs more assistance” = until we put her in a home.

SO tells her we did, SHE declined because where we are, you NEED a vehicle & we both work 12hr days in a town 45mins away, & she’s never had a license. She spent a week with us in Oct, even though we told her of our schedules, still guilts us about not spending enough time with her. She drinks to excess on the daily & did the entire time she was taking care of my FIL & was so rude to him. Telling us the private details of his sickness that we know he wouldn’t want us to hear, that she would feel freedom when he dies. Talking about him like he couldn’t hear her. ex: standing 5ft away “I’ll quit smoking once he’s dead, it’s too stressful right now” when he’s is dying from COPD.

Last night “Why do I need to buy something else “close to you” when I already have one?”

I’m done. I’ve said to SO that if she wants this house that we built, she can have it, but I’m out & if he decides to stay, we’re done. It’s been nearly 11yrs, & I’m ready to give up, but I’m scared of having to upheave my life. SO is convinced that he’ll be able to reason with her when she’s sober.

I don’t know what to do. I love him more than anything, but I can’t take living with his mom again.

r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA for refusing to change my wedding date & telling my brother that he doesn't have to attend if he doesn't want to?


I (34 M) have a brother Ajit (35 M). The issue is that my brother he and his wife dealt with a stillborn on the December 11 last year. It has been pretty terrible for them, and they haven't gotten over it by now either.

I am going to marry my fiance Parvati (34 F) and we had to fix a date. We are religious and believe in astrology, so we had to consult a priest. For those who'd say that it's rubbish: well, it's my religious belief and I think I am entitled to hold whatever opinion I want.

The problem is that the "auspicious date" was said to be on December 11. I asked him whether there was another date and he said that will take a long time to arrive. Well, I did not want to wait for so long so we agreed to hold on the marriage on that date.

Now, my brother got pissed off at that and said I cannot have the wedding on that date. He yelled at me when I announced it, calling me a bastard, etc. I told him it's not my fault that the horoscope said December 11. He believes in it himself, and he said "Find another wife so that the Priest could say that another date is auspicious. Fuck Parvati and fuck you."

We got into a verbal sparring, and I said he doesn't have to attend if he doesn't want to. My parents are asking me to hold off the marriage until the next auspicious event, but I said that I don't want to wait a year more. Parvati's agreed with me, and we are going ahead with the marriage. My parents have agreed to attend very reluctantly (although they're still asking me to change it), but my brother's said that he's not coming.

r/AmItheAsshole 6h ago

AITA for not forgiving my Gran when she accused me of fraud?


I graduated University in 2022, I moved away for University so had to look at where I would stay after whilst I found a place. My parents are separated and both houses are full but my Gran had called a few times offering her place to stay.

Background on my Gran, she’s a little bit crazy. Crazy rich, crazy mind and does crazy stuff. Never my first person to go to since she will always hold things above you. Once borrowed £20 for bus money for school and she hounded me for 3 days until I paid it back early and didn’t go to school. She offered one of the rooms for me to stay and it would be great since the train station isn’t far to the city, so would be great for viewings and interviews.

Moving out of University was an extremely stressful time, I had work up until the day before and packing 3 year's worth of stuff was a lot. When stressed I get tonsillitis and on last day I was so ill I couldn’t eat, I had 3 layers and had the heating on even though it was above 30c outside. When I got to my Gran’s I let her know I’ll be like this for a few days but I just need rest and to pick some antibiotics.

First couple of days were ok, though she kept on asking if I wanted to do anything or go anywhere but I hadn’t eaten in days and was so ill. End of day 2 she mentioned that she had some weird charges to her card and had contacted police.

Day 3 she came into the room and asked me to pack my bags because she couldn’t take care of me. Though I only needed water and change of sick bucket because I slept all day. She dropped me off at my Mums and I stayed on the sofa.

Day 7 I was better but fragile and not eating. I wanted to go back to my Grans for the connections to the station, we had a phone call where I asked if I can come and she said yes. She mentioned the charges again and said they happened online in a city about an hour and a half away from where I went to University. I didn’t think anything of it.

My Mum dropped me off at hers and drove off, when I knocked she didn’t answer I could hear the dog but no response. I tried calling and texting until she sent me a message saying she knows it was me who did the fraud on her card. Tried to reason that it’s impossible because I hadn’t seen her in over 3 years and the card would’ve expired in that time and the city was very far away and I’d never even been there, nothing worked. I said that if my other Grandma was alive she would never treat me like this.

I stayed at a hotel and the stress made me ill again and I couldn’t eat so thankfully on day 11 I got a place and moved.

A year later, speaking with my Dad he said his Mum can’t believe I’m still not speaking to her and that I should get over it. Admitting that she made up the charges. She just didn’t want me staying even though I asked multiple times.

She’s old and it has been over a year, should I just move on from it and keep her at arm's length or am I right in holding this grudge?

r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

AITA for Saying My Children Are Black?


(Throwaway account)

I'm mixed, both black and white. My mom is dark-skinned, Haitian, and my stepdad is Trinidadian. I've always identified as black because, well, I am. I live in California, and I guess you could say I'm pretty immersed in my black heritage. I married a white guy, and we have three kids. My daughter is 17, brown-skinned with 3c hair, my son is 15, also brown-skinned but with a mix of 3c and 4a hair. Then there's my youngest, 12, turning 13 soon, light-skinned with 4a hair. For reference, I have 4c hair, and I'm dark-skinned. So here's where it gets tricky. The kids had to fill out this forum at school where they had to tick their ethnicity: the options were just white, black, Hispanic, etc. They all ticked 'black'. But then, this teacher, an older black lady, comes up to us during a parent-teacher meeting. She knows my husband is white and goes, "Oh, I've met your husband, and he's white." This kind of threw me off. She seemed to be implying that because their dad is white, my kids aren't 'really' black. I got defensive and we got into this whole argument. I tried to explain that being mixed doesn't erase their black heritage or white heritage. Just because they're also 75% white doesn't mean they can't identify as black. It's not like a purity test or something. But it's been bugging me. Am I the asshole here for insisting my kids are black when they're technically more white? It's just how we've always identified as a family, considering our cultural background and experiences.

r/AmItheAsshole 10h ago

AITA for having security remove my friend from my hotel room.


To keep a very long story short. Today is my birthday and last night after several small incidents with my friend I had her removed from my hotel room after she refused to leave.

It started out small. She would order the most expensive thing on the menu and I snapped. She said if you can afford this expensive hotel room and a new car you can spare an extra $10. (She has no money, and no job).

Next was her drinking out of my wine bottle. I had already told her before do not put your mouth on my bottle because I don’t know where your mouth has been. Then for a second time she did it again with a brand new bottle and said she planned on drinking the whole thing and it’s not a big deal. I bought the bottle and it was still half full.

Following we went downtown to a lounge that I wanted to go to for my birthday and as soon as we walked in while I was asking the bartender how the place operates she cuts him off and tells me to let’s go, we’re leaving very rudely and storms out, and I followed not thinking. We had a chat outside and I told her I wanted to go there and she said we can’t go back because of how she acted.

After I decided to go back to the hotel and she asked to go to the gas station. I told three times that day not to eat in my car and she proceeded to open a paper bowl of boiled peanuts filled to the rim with liquid and asked me to drive slow so she could eat it. I cursed her out and made her put the lid back on.

Pissed, I drove back to the hotel grabbed my stuff, left her there to go out with another friend to bring in my birthday and had to turn back around to grab a bottle of wine I left at the hotel.

When I got back to the room she locked the door and I could see through the crack that she was standing at the door. I told her to remove the lock and she kept saying no repeatedly. Then eventually she unlocked the door.

Once it was opened I held it open and said she needed to get out, that I’m tired of the disrespect and she needed to go. She refused and said I needed to take her home or get her an Uber and I said no. I threatened to call the police and then she picked up the hotel phone and asked them to call for her.

Security came up and I told them my name is on the room and I want her out so they removed her.

Based off what she said I’m the a-hole for not taking her home knowing she has no car, money, service phone, many people to help her.

With that being said AITA?

r/AmItheAsshole 2h ago

AITA for kicking out my sister in law after she lost my son while babysitting


Over the past three months, my husband's sister has been staying with us until she got back on her feet. As part of her contribution to our household, she generously offered to babysit our kids, including our 3-year-old son with autism and with both delayed speech and language, without expecting any compensation.

However, about three weeks ago while she was babysitting, our son managed to slip out of the front door without her awareness, wandering around for approximately half an hour before a concerned individual alerted the police.

Rather than immediately notifying my husband and I about the situation, she spent an hour searching the neighborhood before involving law enforcement. We only became aware of our son's disappearance after she had already found out that the police had picked him up and safely returned him home. There's uncertainty regarding whether she would have informed us if the police had not explicitly instructed her to do so.

In the aftermath I asked her to leave our home. My husband believes that my decision to kick her out was overly severe, labeling it as an honest mistake that could happen to anyone. He also emphasizes her lack of alternative living arrangements, arguing that it was “unjust” to leave her with nowhere else to go. She put my son’s safety at risk and broke my trust and I can’t get over that, but I can’t shake what my husband said. Now I feel terrible about putting her on the street. AITA?

r/AmItheAsshole 13h ago

AITA for asking my bf not to tell my medical experiences to his family


So my boyfriend (M22) and i (F21) were chatting about the future and the topic of me getting pregnant came (it’s come up in the past before too). He mentioned how his sister had a natural birth because i said i would want an epidural. Then i said that i wouldn’t want him telling his sisters if i got an epidural or had tearing or anything like that. I prefer to keep it private and i know women can be judgy. He said if it involves his child and the birth he can say whatever he wants. I said that if it has to do with just the hypothetical baby that’s fine but my personal details do not need to be shared with others. He got annoyed and said he was going to bed. I didn’t want to end on a bad note so i tried to finish the conversation and he said “please stop talking” i found this really rude. But idk maybe im being too sensitive

r/AmItheAsshole 3h ago

AITA for locking the kitchen and not allowing my MIL in during thanksgiving?


I (30f) am married to "Dean" (31m). I have multiple intolerances and allergies varying from significant stomach ache to ER trip with epipen not helping. Some of them include red meat, offal, fish, seafood, mushrooms and bell peppers. The list is significantly bigger but these are my major ones.

My in laws are aware of my allergies and whenever I would come and visit I would make sure to bring my own food. This year it was my time to make Thanksgiving dinner which I was quite happy about as I could make sure I could eat the food too and make sure there was nothing to trigger any of the reactions.

My MIL "Ella" has arrived early with a bag of groceries trying to help, but Dean has noticed that there's some red meat, seafood, some sauces with fish and mushrooms in the bag, so he drove back and refunded pretty much everything she to my reactions. Ella was very confused at why as she believed washing the surfaces is enough to get rid of the allergen. She and my father in law were also expected to stay with us for a few days after.

Due to all of this I had no choice but to lock the kitchen from them and only unlock it when it was me or Dean cooking. I have told Ella if she wants different food she is free to go out and eat, but I don't feel comfortable with her being in my kitchen and cooking there due to how she treats my allergies.

Ella and my father in law left last Wednesday and since then me and Dean (but mainly me) have been getting messages and calls from his entire family calling me a controlling asshole for not allowing a grown up woman to cook food for herself and "controlling her eating".

r/AmItheAsshole 17h ago

AITA for telling a guy “please don’t touch me” after he touched my arms to get me to move?


I went out with my friends to a local dive bar and this older gentleman touched my bare arms on either side and said excuse me. I moved but replied “please don’t touch me”, he turned around a few seconds later and said “if you don’t want to be touched, don’t stand in the way”, I replied “you can use your words but please don’t touch me”. It was a loud bar and men who do this piss me off to no end. I’m so sick of it.

EDIT: for context I’m a 22 year old woman who was dressed in alt/goth clothing

r/AmItheAsshole 8h ago

AITA for talking about menstruation with someone else's child being a man?


My daughter (11F) is friends with Julia (11F), they met at january.

At least once a month, my daughter sleeps at Julia's house, she has never slept at home because we live in another city and it is much easier for her to stay straight at Julia's house and we pick her up sunday.

This month we invited her to spend the weekend at home as we were having a barbecue. She agreed and so did her mother (who I will call Maria). We have a friendly relationship with Maria where we exchange quick messages, we are not best friends, but we trust each other

It was agreed that Julia would stay from Friday night until Sunday afternoon and Maria would pick her up.

Today, my wife went out to do some shopping and I stayed with the girls.

My daughter screamed my name and when I got close, she said that Julia was on her period and was crying and that she didn't know what to do. But she had taught her how to put on the pad (she already had her period).

I'm not an expert on this subject, but I talked to her to calm her down, asking if it was hurting, if she was feeling anything and explaining that it was something natural in the female body and that there was nothing wrong. It was a good 10 minutes before she calmed down because she was apologizing because she had stained the mattress etc.

After I saw that she relaxed, I called my wife to come to the house as soon as possible (to help me) and then I called Maria, explaining the situation and what I had done to help.

She was very rude and said she was coming to get her.

When she arrived and Julia was in the car, she started saying that she thought it was inappropriate for me to have talked to her daughter and that it should have at least been my wife talking and not a man and that I crossed all possible boundaries.

I tried to explain by saying that I just calmed down a child who had no idea what menstruation was and freaking out. She said that even so, me being the father of a friend of hers was not appropriate to have this type of conversation.

She left an hour ago and I'm lost. AITA?

Added: Maria wouldn't be here so early if I called as soon as I found out (30 minutes by road)

r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for calling my wife a selfish brat


AITA for calling my wife a selfish brat

Okay so me (34M) and my wife (28F) is having a huge disagreement. My wife loves short clothes and I love anything she wears but honestly for the 4 year we have been together we have always had the issue of coats. We live in a very cold country and I don’t understand why my wife needs to take my coat when she is cold. She refuses to bring her coat and gets mad when I bring her a coat saying that it ruins her outfit.

But she will steal my coat when she gets cold. I feel the cold really badly and I don’t like not going without it and if it happens once or twice it’s fine but all the time and she won’t let me bring a coat because “it’s silly to walk around with a woman’s coat”

Yesterday I was invited to go star gazing for my wifes nieces birthday and I told her and I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH that it will be cold. She still wore a cute sexy but small outfit and I got snapped at for trying to bring a coat.

Half way into the trip she started tugging on my coat asking for me to give it to her. I told her no that I warned her this would happen but she wanted to go home. I was having fun and honestly I didn’t want to go so I gave her the keys and told her to go herself.

She got upset and called me a fat ass who could not do anything for his wife and I honestly I was shocked. I grabbed the keys from her and told her to not be such a selfish brat and to get a ride from someone else and I went home. She hurt me in front of her family and now we are not speaking to each other. My friends say I was mean and a man should always protect his wife.


r/AmItheAsshole 21h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for embarrassing my brother-in-law by reprimanding my son for pissing all over the toilet?


My family is over at my house for a get together since we all went out separate ways for thanksgiving.

My sister's husband is a pig. He is overweight and perhaps cannot see his equipment and the toilet so when he stands to urinate it goes everywhere. Not great. But it would be better if he at least cleaned up after himself. Instead he leaves urine all over the seat, tank, and floor. At his house my sister probably cleans up after him. I don't know and I don't want to know.

I was having a similar problem with my son until I had his father teach him how to stand to pee. And to clean up afterwards. My son still sits most of the time though. And if he does sprinkle a little he cleans up.

I went to use the washroom after my brother-in-law came out and it was disgusting. I've talked to him and my sister about it before and nothing has changed.

Fine, new plan. I matched out of the bathroom and I told my son in a loud voice that he had to go clean his pee up since he sprayed everywhere and we have guests over. Exactly like I expected my son spoke up and said he hadn't used the bathroom and that it was his uncle who just came out.

Everyone went quiet, my brother-in-law went red, and my sister went into the bathroom to clean. I apologized to my son for the mistake.

Afterwards my sister said I was an asshole to embarrass her husband like that. I said that if an adult cannot piss properly or clean up after themselves perhaps they should be embarrassed.

Now we are fighting and she says I owe them an apology.

Two questions

Do I owe them an apology and am I the asshole?

r/AmItheAsshole 13h ago

AITA for hanging up on my girlfriend after after discovering her mom was spying during our personal conversations?


I (18M) have been dating my girlfriend (17F) for about 7 months. Tonight her and I had a deep conversation about some relationship hiccups, and I shared personal family struggles I typically only discuss with my therapist.

As we finally got to a place we felt comfortable leaving things, I heard whispering in the background. When I asked my girlfriend about it, she adamantly denied anyone else being there. However, as I continued asking, she started crying. Just then, her mom pretended to come in the room and scold her for being up to try to cover up the fact she’d been sitting there for an hour. Turns out, her mom has been sneakily listening in on almost every serious conversation or argument we've ever had.

I felt absolutely betrayed and hung up immediately. Since then, both my girlfriend and her mom have been apologizing and trying to shift blame onto me. This violation of privacy has left me feeling super violated and unsure about how to handle the situation. I do feel bad for hanging up so abruptly but I just didn’t know how to process what was going on.

AITA for hanging up on my girlfriend after after discovering her mom was spying during our personal conversations? Any guidance on navigating this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Edit- I woke up an hour ago and watched all the comments come in while eating a whole ass margarita pizza. Thank you all for your advice and opinions. To provide more context:

Throughout our relationship, my girlfriend has often joked about how her mom can get any information from her. However, I've witnessed firsthand how true this is lately. I've also noticed that my girlfriend doesn't respect privacy, claiming she needs a confidant because my situations are too much for her mentally, but then her mom knows everything I share in confidence. I also have tried not talking to her but she pushes every time. Because of this, I've become extremely cautious about sharing personal details.

They're both very religious, and while I share the same beliefs, it's been a contentious issue in our relationship. Her mom has used religion to justify intruding on my personal life, citing the need to guide me if I'm "sinning."

My own family life has been challenging (I had to move out at 18 to escape). I talked to my own mother about all of this and her response was to say that it was not the worst thing and I was over reacting which is why I felt like posting. Her mom as expressed that she sees me as part of her family, which has led to her trying to control various aspects of my life, like dictating when I can drink coffee or imposing a bedtime. She's also shared my private struggles with her pastor and best friend, who've tried to intervene and "fix" me.

I deeply care for my partner, but I can't envision a future where her mother's involvement is so intense in our lives. I plan to talk to her about this tonight and will update you all afterward.

Update: She just called me at work. She started the conversation by saying she thinks we should probably break up because she can’t do it anymore. I’ll be honest, I snorted. She asked why, and I responded by asking her if it was because she was scared to talk to me face to face or if it was because she just didn’t want to deal with the fact she screwed up and hurt me. She said it was because I say everything is her fault.

For context, I know I have a lot of problems because of a really hard home life and upbringing, and I acknowledge when I make mistakes. Last night was mostly me having to apologize and explain myself over and over. But this time, I flat out told her this was 1000% her and her mom’s fault. I then had to go because I’m at work and people needed help. I then got the texts saying things like, “I guess this is all my fault” and “I deserve to sit in my consequences apparently.”

She wants me to come to her house after work to sort things out. I think I am gonna see if we can meet ALONE in a public place to ensure privacy. I’ll update after that.

r/AmItheAsshole 17h ago

AITA for wanting to photoshop my stepdaughter out of our wedding photos


I just married my wife. We’ve been together for almost 2 years. She has a daughter (almost 2 years old) from a previous relationship. Bio dad isn’t in the picture.

The wedding was back in September. Her daughter was around 18 months old at that point. She was going to be our flower girl.

We had arranged for her regular babysitter to stay with her during the ceremony and take her home for the reception but right when the wedding started, she had a meltdown and only wanted her mom so my wife held her through the entire wedding ceremony. She got hungry and cranky during the ceremony so my wife tried passing her off to the babysitter so she could have a snack but she wasn’t having it so my wife held her daughter while her daughter was eating a ziplock bag of dry cereal during our wedding ceremony. She was also with my wife throughout the reception.

We just got the pictures back and a lot of them have the baby eating cereal on my wife’s hip in them. I told my wife I wanted to photoshop her out of some of the pictures and put the photoshopped ones up, at least make it look like the wedding went the way we planned it.

My wife thinks the pictures with her daughter are cute and wants to hang those up. She doesn’t see why we would photoshop anybody out of our wedding pictures.

I told her I wanted the pictures to look a little more elegant and a baby eating cereal out of a ziplock bag isn’t exactly elegant.

She’s upset now because she thinks I’m trying to erase her daughter and is currently sleeping in her daughter’s room.

r/AmItheAsshole 20h ago

Asshole AITA for telling my son he can pay for a holiday upgrade?


I'm taking my kids to Hawaii for Christmas. The hotel prices are absolutely criminal. At this point I'm seriously thinking about looking to rent an RV instead.

I noticed that the difference between two beds and three is like $1,200 for the whole trip. So I decided to get two beds. Me and my 11yo son and 10yo nephew will share one bed and my 17yo and 8yo will share the other. My 17yo had a fit over the idea of sharing a bed with his brother. I told him there was nothing to be upset about. My 8yo takes melatonin at 8 and is dead asleep at 8:30pm. You can prod him with a stun gun and this boy will not wake up. My 17yo goes to bed at 10pm. My 17yo is still angry at the thought so I told him to go ask his mom to pay for the difference and I'll get you your own bed. Hell I'll get you your own presidential suite if she pays for it. Otherwise there's nothing wrong with sharing a bed with your little brother.

r/AmItheAsshole 14h ago

AITA for expecting my wife to do better with her inheritance and wanting access to it to monitor her spending?


Edit:I commented on some vital details I left out. She has put us in debt In the past with her spending and she also failed to pay her student loans. I at no point wanted to control her money just transparency on what she was doing it. I also took my extended leave due to my son’s health issues not for fun. The leave was almost unavoidable seeing that we have no family near us or anyone that could help with the kids now that her dad is gone.

My wife and her dad were extremely close. Daily phone calls, coffee multiple times a week, regular gifts etc. He spoiled her. He passed and my wife received about 200k. After paying off our debt (a lot of it due to her spending) and cars with insurance and registration and rent for a year in advance she was left with about 100k. Today she told me it’s all gone.

When she first received the money I asked to be put on the account to monitor her spending and both her and her mom told me I had no right to the account. I assume her mom said no because I would question the 15k she eventually gave her and I know my wife said no because I would question her spending. Her parents were divorced but her mom maintained the insurance policy.

I saw her spending habits getting out of hand early and would confront her to which she always replied “you don’t get to tell me how to spend my dad’s blood money!” Now here we are months later with almost nothing left. Of course there are monthly expenses that are to be expected like water/power and groceries but she spent absurd amounts of money. She bought 400 dollar pans, her friend convinced her to spend 400 dollars on plants for the house. Amazon deliveries almost daily. She booked 3 multi-thousand dollar vacations for the kids this summer and any time I questioned her spending she would get combative and say that her dad would want her to have fun and spoil the kids. We ate out dozens and dozens of times. I talked my wife out of making thousands dollars purchases multiple times all in vain because the money we were supposed to use as a safety net is now gone. I know she is depressed about her dad and she’s always had a spending problem so I expected a little retail therapy but I feel what has happened is partially my fault for not being more aggressive in my approach to monitor her spending. I’m not saying I didn’t spend money over the last few months on a few unnecessary purchases but I had money coming in from my job. I feel like she squandered financial security for our family. We argued pretty bad about it today and I said “this is why I wanted access to the account!” she called me an asshole and said she set us up for the next year (she did) and “you’re not gonna tell me how to spend my dad’s blood money!” The only thing that gives me relief is that I’m going back to work from an extended paternal leave next week. I’m conflicted with how things turned out with the money. I had no right to what her dad left her but I also believe she should have given me access to it at the same time because I feel like burning through almost 100k is absurd, irresponsible and unacceptable but it wasn’t my money so this is why I ask am I the asshole?

Edit: there are other factors in the situation that I failed to mention. I commented and have responded to multiple comments. Please see them for more info on the matter. Mainly the fact that she didn’t pay her student loans when she said she was going to and her spending has put us in major debt is the past on multiple occasions

r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

WIBTA if I refused to look after my sister's baby once she finishes maternity leave?


Hello. My (29M) twin sister (29F) and her boyfriend (34M) are expecting their first child together in early June. This will be my sister's firstborn, but her boyfriend already has two children of his own (8F and 14M). The mother of his teenage son doesn't allow him to see his own son, and the mother of his 8-year-old daughter dumps their daughter on him every weekend so she can go out partying and drinking with her friends.

My sister is not on maternity leave as of yet, but once she gives birth to her baby, she will be expected to go back a few months after she has given birth. She didn't straight up tell me this, but she has insinuated that she expects me and my parents (67F and 71M) to babysit her child every day when she goes back to work. She works as a dental nurse, and she goes to work every day except for Sundays. I have multiple disabilities. One of my disabilities is called slipped capital femoral epiphysis (SCFE). One of the symptoms of this condition is that I sometimes get excruciating pains in the femur joint in my left leg. This can make walking for me very painful, especially in the mornings after I get out of bed.

On top of this, my mum has also experienced really bad chronic pains ever since she had treatment for oropharyngeal cancer just over a decade ago. The treatment has left to a series of complications that required her to have a shoulder replacement in her left shoulder. Because of this, she cannot raise her arm up very much and she can't lift up heavy things, either. My dad, while a bit fit for his age, has the absolute WORST temperament. He literally gets angry over the most miniscule of things. I wouldn't want his future granddaughter or grandson to be around that.

My sister's boyfriend isn't particularly close with either of his parents, especially his dad. He also has a younger sister (28F) that used to be in the same class as my sister as primary school. However, she already has two children of her own and I don't think he would want to burden her with her future niece or nephew.

I would really like to spend a little bit of time with my future niece or nephew, but I don't think I'd be able to look after it for 6 out of 7 days of the week. I just know if I declined, everyone would guilt trip me into doing so. They actually do this to me quite a lot - especially my mother. I just know they would say things to me like "stop being so selfish" or "family is supposed to help each other".

WIBTA if I refused to look after my sister's baby when she finishes maternity leave?

Edit: My apologies. I meant she goes to work every day except for Sundays.

r/AmItheAsshole 9h ago

AITA for posting about my birthday and not my friend’s wedding?


So my friend just got married. We’ve been friends for a few years now, we’re not best friends but we’re part of a larger friend group so we hang out a few times a month.

She had a HUGE wedding and a huge bridal party. I wasn’t a bridesmaid (thank god) because she has a lot of high school and college friends, but I was invited to the bachelorette party. I declined, because it was bar hopping in Nashville and I no longer drink. Plus her wedding was a destination already (Caribbean) and I couldn’t make both work financially.

Her wedding happened to fall on the same day as my 30th birthday. I wasn’t too bothered by this because I figured it’d be cool to be in a tropical place for my birthday anyway, plus a lot of my friends were invited so I’d get to celebrate with them anyway.

When the bride realized she had booked it in my birthday last year, I remember she got kind of quiet and then said something like, “I’m sorry I did that but I’d appreciate if you celebrated the day before or after instead of on my wedding day.” Again, didn’t really have a problem with that.

I don’t use social media very much, I was playing the comparison game too much but this last year I really worked on myself and I’m feeling more fit than ever before. I got a really nice dress for the wedding and I felt amazing in my skin for the first time. I decided to have one of my friends take some pictures of me on the beach at sunrise the morning of the wedding/birthday so I could have some good pics of me. I always hated taking photos because of low self esteem and I just was really feeling myself for the first time.

A few of us who weren’t in the wedding did a little birthday breakfast together on the beach. It wasn’t a big thing, just five or six of us. My friends made me a little picnic. Got some great photos there too and I felt really happy. I decided to post the beach pics and the breakfast ones on IG. It was my first post in probably 2 years.

The wedding happened and then a few days later, I got some really angry texts from the bride. She said I broke my promise that I wouldn’t celebrate on her wedding day, that I was trying to steal her thunder, and that I didn’t even have the decency to post anything from her wedding when all our other friends did. She was on her honeymoon when she was texting me all this.

She said she had already been upset with me for not going to the bachelorette and basically called me a bad friend. I’m really confused and hurt. It wasn’t my intention to make her upset, I guess I did technically break my promise not to do anything on my birthday but I guess I just didn’t think it was a big deal since it was just a breakfast.


TLDR: my friend got married on my birthday, asked me to postpone any celebrations but my friends threw me a birthday picnic on the beach, I posted about it and now she’s upset with me

r/AmItheAsshole 10h ago

AITA for refusing to maintain contact with a former school bully after unexpectedly meeting again?


I (26f) am on the autistic spectrum and suffer very acutely with anxiety disorder. As a result I was bullied pretty hard during my high school days, and one specific girl (who I'll name Amy) was something of a ringleader in all that.

Her bullying would start with actions like loudly telling me I looked beautiful before bursting into laughter (along with the rest of the class). She would also make me the butt of further jokes by asking me out on behalf of various guy friends, who would often make a face and respond with "Ew!" or "Oh my god Amy no!". Cue raucous laughter as I tried to pretend I hadn't heard anything. She even pulled my hair sometimes, under the pretence of "looking at it because it's so curly". It would really hurt, but since I never fought back in any way, she kept doing it. The most intimidating thing she'd do was far more innocuous. Amy took to staring at me during classes. Just staring at me, because she knew it made me very obviously uncomfortable. But again, I never did a thing to stand up for myself, so I was probably the easiest target she ever had.

Naturally after I left high school I never wanted to see my tormentors again, and for the most part, I haven't. I continued my education, got my degree and have started work as a junior corporate lawyer. As a whole, my life is much better now and I'm truly happy.

Recently, I was in my home town visiting my parents. On the way back, I stopped in a local coffee shop to grab something as I waited for my train. As I approached the counter I was taken aback to see Amy staring back at me. She recognised me immediately, and her reaction was uncharacteristically pleasant, likely on account of her being at work but still, it was jarring to say the least. She said hi, asked me how I was doing and exclaimed it had been so long since she'd seen me. I was still pretty shaken to even be in her presence again, but I gave a few polite answers back. I decided to get my coffee to go and left pretty quickly, and she wished me a good day with a smile. It was amazing how she'd spoken to me with more respect in those two minutes than she ever had through our entire high school days.

I promptly carried on with my life after that, but recently saw that Amy had sent me a Facebook friend request. While our interaction had been nice enough in the café, I still felt like I just didn't want to go there in terms of maintaining contact, so I ignored it.

A bit after that, I received a message from her that essentially admitted she hadn't treated me "as kindly as (she) could've" but that if I could find it in my heart to forgive her, we could be great friends. Again I ignored her messages. I told a friend or two about the situation and they said Amy probably regrets how she acted, and us being friends might help me to heal.

Do you guys think I'm in the wrong for being stubborn or immature on this? Is it okay to just not want to be her friend? Any comments would be appreciated. Thanks!

r/AmItheAsshole 10h ago

AITA for leaving a severely drunk girl alone in hospital


Last weekend, I attended a Party. I had driven to the party with this lady I'd been chatting with for about a month. We're not dating but casual. And I lost sight of her during the party when I walked outside with some of my buddies. I eventually informed her that I was going home because I was on her ride.But for some reason, she began accusing me of hooking up with a girl as soon as we got in the car, using the justification that since I had "disappeared," it was apparent that I was seeing someone.

As I previously stated, I wasn't, and even if I had been, it wouldn't concern her because she and I have decided to keep our relationship casual. I would have assured her, but I refrained from saying anything.This only seemed to make her more upset, and she started screaming at me about how I was a liar or I should feel fortunate that she would even look at someone who looked like me, how she hated me and wanted I had never been born, and how I was a downgrade from other males she had spoken to. I was beyond pissed, and luckily, there was a fairly large hospital near us, so I just drove to the ER of the hospital and informed them about how she was and gave her friend's number for hospital records.

While they were taking her, I said to her that I did not want to spend any more time with me since I knew how much what she said hurt me and that I couldn't take any more abuse from her.The following morning, when she and her friends saw me, they became enraged with me for abandoning her when she was intoxicated. They didn't seem to understand how terrible the things she was saying to me were, and even if she was drunk, she didn't have the right to tell them. I don't think it's reasonable for me to put up with all of that abuse from her.

Edit 1 it was a party of a mutual friend and her home was a 30 - 40 min ride and I don't know if she was admitted or not. Neither she nor her friends said anything about her admission.

r/AmItheAsshole 1d ago

Not the A-hole AITA for ‘fat shaming’ my roommate because she wouldnt stop talking about how fat America is.


I (25f) am an American who has been living in London for about six months now. My roommate B (23f) has been nice for the most part, and I’ve even come to enjoy her company. My only issue is that she is always taking jabs at America. To clarify, I don't think America is above criticism, and I have no problem shooting shit from time to time. When I first met her I would laugh along, and didn't feel any type of way about it. However, it’s become too frequent, and as time has gone on, I’ve started to notice an obnoxious air of superiority every time she does this, which really makes me feel like it’s not all in good fun anymore. She’ll even refuse to believe me if I correct her when she says something untrue (i.e., when she said, “Americans are all so stupid because all of your tests are multiple choice,” and I told her that wasn't true, she insisted the schools I went to must be different from most schools in America). I’ve tried to go along with it, as I don't want to be an overly sensitive person, but it’s starting to get on my nerves.

All of my frustrations came to a head last night when she started talking about how disgusting it was that America is so fat (a topic I’ve heard her talk about many times). I was in a bad mood, I still tried my best to ignore her, but she just kept going. I’ve always had to bite my tongue when she talks about America’s obesity epidemic because B is overweight herself. I finally snapped and stopped biting my tongue and said, “Don’t you think this is a little ironic?” she gave me a confused look and asked why she would think that, to which I replied “Well I’m an American, and I’m a lot thinner than you. This conversation would make more sense if you were the thin one.” She absolutely exploded and told me I had no right to make comments about her body. After that she locked herself up in her room, and now she refuses to talk to me. I made some beef stew for dinner tonight as a peace offering, but she still won't acknowledge my presence. I do feel bad about hurting her feelings, but I also feel like she shouldn't dish it if she can't take it.

r/AmItheAsshole 1d ago

Not the A-hole AITA for telling my “boyfriends” kid I don’t intend on being her mom?


TLDR: I helped my casual BF out by watching his kid while he went to a job interview. She didn’t want to abide by my house rules because “I’m not her mom and never will be” and I told her “I’m not trying to be your mom. I have my own kids.” writing on mobile

Context: I’ve (34F) have been in a casual long distance relationship for 2 years with “Matt” (40M). I set boundaries at the start of our relationship. We will never live together, he will not be involved with my kids or family, I won’t be involved in his. My kids have a dad that’s very active in their lives and we coparent amazingly. The relationship I have with Matt is just that, with him. Matt agreed to these terms. Everything has been great. We never argue because we have nothing to argue about. We have our separate lives and when we’re together it’s like a break from the real world.

Matt is relocating closer to me because he’s grown tired of the city and wants to live in a more rural place like I currently live in. He will still be roughly over an hour away so it’s within comfort. His daughter “Ava” is 12 and he was unable to leave her home as his mom had a slip and fall and wasn’t comfortable watching Ava while she was on heavy medication, she just wants to rest. He wasn’t comfortable leaving her at the hotel alone so he asked me to watch her. I agreed and we both understood it’s a one time thing.

He tells Ava I’m an old friend but I’m guessing she’s heard my name before (it’s not a traditional American name) because of what follows.

She was being hateful to my daughter “Rose” (11), making fun of the blemishes my daughter has on her chin. I asked Ava if she wanted to go to the basement to play any of the games down there, she said no so I told Rose to go to the basement. She did.

I then catch Ava slowly opening the basement door and I ask her to go to the living room. She refuses and opens the basement door all the way. I tell her she is not allowed down there right now but she’s welcomed to the Wii in the living room or she can pick a movie to stream. We go back and forth, then I walk to the basement door and shut it. She starts screaming at me that I’m not her mom so don’t try to act like it. That’s when I told her “Baby, it never crossed my mind because I have my own kids to parent. I have no intention of trying to be anything to you, I’m just helping your dad.” She went to the living room and occupied herself with her phone. I made lunch, served it, she didn’t touch it (it was sopita and cheese quesadillas). Her dad picked her up later and when he got back to the hotel he called me about what I said. He said he understands why I said what I said and it is true, but it was out of pocket to say it TO her.