r/perfectlycutscreams 12d ago

oh really

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48.6k Upvotes

899 comments sorted by

2.5k

u/MisterWapak 12d ago

She's good

508

u/The_Coffee_Dude_ 12d ago

... she's REAL good.

122

u/MREAGLEYT 12d ago

Even too good

58

u/KobesHelicopterDidIt 12d ago

My god.. it’s Jason Bourne

18

u/Honer-Simpsom 12d ago

My last name is Bourne and I hate this joke…but I will say…If a cop makes the joke and you laugh at it…they usually let you go with a warning

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u/Roemeeeer 12d ago

Jason Burnt you mean

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u/WabanakiWarrior 12d ago

With my help she could be the best

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5.1k

u/blazikenz 12d ago

I thought she was gonna grab his dick lmao

2.1k

u/Mission-Candy1178 12d ago

GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT!

851

u/Old-Faithlessness236 12d ago

The old dick twist

108

u/Killakarma 12d ago

Real Pros tuck it up past the gooch as part of the setup ;) no grabby grabby

33

u/TigaSharkJB91 12d ago

Mandingo style

15

u/GBGF128 12d ago

This comment right here officer.

3

u/Humulophile 12d ago

User pic checks.

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u/Ilovekittens345 12d ago

It's not a twist anymore, everybody already knows about it. What we need is a dick novelty.

2

u/SolidLuxi 12d ago

Dick knot.

4

u/Tales_of_Earth 12d ago

cigar falls out of mouth

2

u/OneEyedRocket 11d ago

I read that in Maxwell Smart’s voice

2

u/micro_penisman 11d ago

Twist his diiick

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

DOOD, THIS IS AN MMA FIGHT

4

u/LayeredMayoCake 12d ago

That makes…so much more sense. Idk why I always heard, “dude that’s the name of the fight.”

3

u/[deleted] 12d ago

Buy a new set of ears bro

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135

u/UltraTwingo 12d ago

TWIST HIS DIIIIIIIIICK

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37

u/Hiden_Trash_Can 12d ago

"GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT!" thay said.... Twist it they did...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

26

u/babaganate 12d ago

Cast testicular torsion

6

u/generals_test 12d ago

Monkey grabs the peach!

7

u/jivetrky 12d ago

BOP IT!

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u/TheLastLivingBuffalo 12d ago

I think he sorta did too

5

u/Goodnightmaniac 12d ago

Me too so here's your 500th upvote.

18

u/Tunavi 12d ago

I thought she was going to say "I'll give you the best head of your life if you let me out of this headlock"

76

u/Aloqi 12d ago

Why would you think that? Watch less porn.

26

u/Trynaman 12d ago

Burnt so hard even I somehow got offended

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6.2k

u/Lychee247 12d ago

Finally a good life hack

962

u/[deleted] 12d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

354

u/Ok_Star_4136 12d ago

I wonder how she handles a soccer ball, 'cause it seems she's a keeper.

24

u/Nudist_Alien 12d ago

🦗🦗🦗🦗

11

u/Electronic-Glass7822 12d ago

Ha Ha Funny dude

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u/PlNG 12d ago

Comment copy bot. Original comment

148

u/UserNombresBeHard 12d ago edited 12d ago

There was this one time, at karate practice, our master told us to put our opponent in a headlock and our opponent would need to try getting out of it by any means.

I was matched with this ripped dude, arms almost thrice the size of mine... He put me in a headlock under his armpit. The moment he got it locked, I don't know why but by instinct, I jammed my fingers deep into his sides. Dude instantaniously let me go because he got ticklish.

I got a laugh out of that. Then it was my turn and of course the dude did exactly what I had done and I instantly let him go because I can't handle being touched on my sides either.

40

u/iBlameMeToo 12d ago

I’m laughing so hard right now imagining two dudes in a karate class tickling each other.

12

u/spezsmacker 12d ago

How long have you been married

10

u/Lychee247 12d ago

Kinda relatable tbh

7

u/Acceptable_Answer570 12d ago

Grown ass men tickling each other? That sounds kinda gay tho

12

u/UserNombresBeHard 12d ago

It's only gay if you look into his eyes.

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u/YankeeDoodleMacaroon 12d ago

If you think that was an awesome technique, just wait ‘til you try tickling someone’s balls

2

u/FrankTheMagpie 12d ago

Dude that's amazing.

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u/bloop_405 12d ago

Of all their videos that they've created, this was the first one to not disappoint me lol

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37

u/FreeSpeechPatriceO 12d ago

I always carry a lighter because it's the rarest of the Cpt. Planet elements.

5

u/Lychee247 12d ago

I don't carry a lighter

Cuz ik afraid it'll blow up in my pocket

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20

u/LeaphyDragon 12d ago

Her smirk with the lighter got me lmao 🤣

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u/ShimmyMan 12d ago

Blew my eardrums!

2

u/Exact_Web_3435 12d ago

Or he ends up accidently breaking your neck

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2.7k

u/Piuuter 12d ago

I was expecting her not to get out and that to be the scream

r/unexpected?

91

u/IguanaTabarnak 12d ago

Very hard to scream while in a proper headlock.

34

u/GetOffMyDigitalLawn 12d ago

I've felt this first hand.

In a headlock, nobody can hear you scream.

12

u/Cold-Couple8387 12d ago

u just gurgle

7

u/GetOffMyDigitalLawn 12d ago

I couldn't even gurgle. I went to say something and absolutely nothing could come out.

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u/Revanthmk23200 12d ago

I mean they are friends, he is not going to push too hard in her neck.

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u/maury587 12d ago

I thought it was going to be one of those "owning a delusional person" videos

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u/Adeep187 12d ago edited 12d ago

Like Steven Segal and shit himself.

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1.1k

u/kiba87637 12d ago

She's got 200 IQ lol

273

u/PunchingCarrots 12d ago

The problem is that they will normally pull you back from your neck and try to throw your balance off when they aren't gentle.

https://youtu.be/LQb8dK4MC-E?si=4LMR6Es3sd1cn1Sq&t=62

199

u/Tarbel 12d ago

It's a skit

21

u/cabbage16 12d ago

Yes, and even though this video is staged the trick she is doing is a way to win petty bets or be used as a party trick in real life, not as a way of legitimate self defense.

3

u/jld2k6 12d ago

I was entertaining the idea that it might be real but was looking for the lighter grab then the camera cut and she magically had it down by her side :| Still funny though

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u/Za-Box 12d ago edited 12d ago

Regardless it shouldn’t be considered a good self defense method, I am no professional on this subject but from what I learned in taekwondo/self defense is that it is incredibly hard to get out of a head lock, if it’s a serious rough one then no matter how much pain you inflict the one doing the headlock won’t let go, on the contrary it may cause him to be a lot more reckless and tighten the lock to choke you out, thats why it’s considered one of the most effective techniques, having been in one and performed one it’s incredibly easy to hold on to and incredibly hard to break out of. On how to realistically deal with it then it’s a matter of buying time by burrowing your chin into the headlock so that the aggressor doesn’t choke you out as quickly, after that there was a way to break out of it if you managed to get on the ground but I forgot the steps were. Like all good self defense lessons, don’t get into such situations in the first place, run.

Edit: 🤓

48

u/CHOOSE_A_USERNAME984 12d ago

If you use a storm rated lighter and set the attacker (or their clothes) on fire, would that maybe get a different result?

31

u/Za-Box 12d ago

If I was the aggressor I’d first want to choke you out, the panic might turn my assault charge into a murder charge tho

15

u/CHOOSE_A_USERNAME984 12d ago

Well, that’s certainly a different result though

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u/Main-Appearance2469 12d ago

Well if they are in the position to headlock you then ur defo gonna catch in fire too

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14

u/Loose-Biscotti6737 12d ago

It's a skit nerd

30

u/Tarbel 12d ago

I just think it's kinda dumb to assume a humorous party trick is an attempt to demonstrate legitimate self-defense.

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u/mrpanicy 12d ago

It's a skit.

7

u/Happyhotel 12d ago

Well ahcktually 🤓 🤓

4

u/EnergyAdorable6884 12d ago

This is what sets Reddit apart. Degens like this

3

u/Messin-About 12d ago

“Regardless” - ☝️🤓

2

u/youarenotverysmart1 12d ago

oh my fucking god of course guys like this are posting comments on reddit thinking they're 80000 iq

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u/JasErnest218 12d ago

I’ve blocked this guy everywhere in my life and now he’s showing up on Reddit

100

u/daybreak-gardening 12d ago

Yeah, Justin Flom and his shitty rage bait crew should be banned from posting online. They're fucking annoying.

46

u/UnluckyHorseman 12d ago

I upvoted for Justin Flom being in pain, and nothing else.

9

u/[deleted] 12d ago

He reacted way too fast to the lighter. No way he felt pain :/

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u/imSp00kd 12d ago

I fucking hate this guy

5

u/schrodingershousecat 12d ago

Who is he and why do people hate him?

7

u/imSp00kd 12d ago

Justin flom. He would post videos that would be entertaining to watch, but he stretches them out for like an obnoxious amount of time. I think it had to do with like ads and stretching the time out. Looking back now, it’s pretty funny. But they are beyond irritating to watch.

2

u/surfingbiscuits 11d ago

Johnny Cage. He's not taking his duty as a champion of Earthrealm seriously enough.

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u/BanjoSpaceMan 12d ago

So many people here commenting like it's a real video.

7

u/pissedinthegarret 12d ago

these blessed people have just been lucky enough to not see his other content obviously

6

u/Ronem 12d ago

Shitty Walmart Wahlberg

7

u/Anonybibbs 12d ago

From what I can quickly gather, he just seems to be some sort of magician or something. What'd he do to deserve the hate?

5

u/concreteraindust 12d ago

I've blocked the red shirt youtuber for wasting my time with his edutainment. So anoying whenever i see him

4

u/Sachiel05 12d ago

Who is he? Do I even want to know?

2

u/JayCee1002 12d ago

This is what I came here to find. I instantly block this d bag and his crew. I can almost always tell it's one of their videos just from the way they film and the way they talk.

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981

u/Old_Homework8339 12d ago

At first, I was like: 🤨

But then I was like: 👏🏻 😯

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u/daddydilz 12d ago

Really thought she was gonna moan to make him uncomfortable, the lighter is so much better 🤣

102

u/Joxelo 12d ago

He’d be feeling the heat either way

32

u/WinterUploadedMind 12d ago

"harder"

Moxxie, Helluva Boss

16

u/rockerphobia 12d ago

"Harden"

Metapod, Pokemon

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u/figgypie 12d ago

WHY IS IT ALWAYS A SEX THING?!?

3

u/Huge-Basket244 12d ago

Everything in life is about sex. Except for sex. Sex is about power.

7

u/100YearsWaiting2Shit 12d ago

I swear I thought she was gonna yell "GRAPE"

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u/TheChadStevens 12d ago

That's great. Until in a panic they accidentally snap your neck

134

u/Astronaut_Chicken 12d ago

Either way I'm outtie 5000 ✌️

9

u/Onetrillionpounds 12d ago

Excuse me Astronaut_Chicken but why 5000 ?

18

u/CoyRogers 12d ago

Audi 5000 was a popular car from 1978 to 1988, at first the saying was ' I am out ' then it became Im Outtie, since Outtie sounded like Audi and the popular model then was the Audi 5000, so people would start to say in slang / rap songs 'I am Audi 5000' to mean they were leaving, done, going... at the end of songs. That all morphed over the year till now a days you can just say 'Im 5k' and that means 'Im leaving'

5

u/giratina143 12d ago

Thank you loremaster

2

u/suluamus 12d ago

Wow, thanks for this very thorough explanation!

2

u/Onetrillionpounds 12d ago

Perfect thank you.

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u/BuryEdmundIsMyAlias 12d ago

I imagine this is a joke but it's surprisingly difficult to snap a human neck. Just look at the "ring dinger" that bullshit snake oil salesmen masquerading as physicians without the grades or talent chiropractors do.

9

u/generals_test 12d ago

Nah, tv has taught me that all it takes is a little twist and the neck just snaps. Do you expect me to just take your work over television's?

2

u/BuryEdmundIsMyAlias 12d ago

Damn I forgot all of Steven Seagal's documentaries

2

u/Mrskdoodle 12d ago

You have to pull before you can twist. Pulling straightens out the spine. Otherwise, they just get a bad sprain and a sore neck. It takes more pressure than people think, but it's not that difficult...or, so I'm told.

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u/Gammelpreiss 12d ago

Takes quite a bit of concentration and dedication to break someone's neck, you do not do that just by pulling your arm back

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u/birdgelapple 12d ago

Sigma rule #437: trick your assailant into elevating their charge from aggravated assault to first degree murder in order to put them away for good 👍✍️🔥🔥

4

u/DrakenDaskar 12d ago

People can't snap other people's neck like that. That's a movie thing not a real life thing just like the "go to sleep" knockout.

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u/king_legerdemain 12d ago

Wow. Did not expect that. Touché!

2

u/xSlick-Tx 12d ago

More like:..TORCH-é!!

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u/soundhyper 12d ago

That's actually pretty smart if you have a lighter on ya.

49

u/HugsandHate 12d ago

As long as your attacker was very gentle and still while choking you out...

Sure..

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u/ultrainstict 12d ago edited 12d ago

Good one, however if you dont have a lighter on hand i recommend the good ol dick twist, works every time.

8

u/SexPanther_Bot 12d ago

60% of the time, it works every time

2

u/Greaterthancotton 12d ago

You know it’s good because they put bits of real panther in it.

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u/Aggressive-Alarm7901 12d ago

Is that fucking Johnny Cage?

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u/FoboBoggins 12d ago

augh one of Rick Lax' cronies i thought i got away from them, now they are creeping onto reddit, FML i hate there skits

8

u/Ibi828 AAAAAA- 12d ago

I didn't see that one coming 🤣🤣

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u/Nicksnotmyname83 12d ago

That's not a headlock though

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u/a-space-pirate 12d ago

I did NOT see that coming lmao

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u/SIeepingIsMyPassion 12d ago

Fun fact: lighters can solve the majority of your problems

Too much homework? Burn it You have a bully? Set their house on fire Feeling depressed? You won't when you hear your bully's screams as they burn alive

3

u/Kwando-D-Hornblower 12d ago

Jesus Christ that’s Jessica Bourne…

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u/zacccdp 12d ago

I thought i was on r/instantkarma, did not see that coming

3

u/Useful_Secret4895 12d ago

This is clever, but what if he was wearing long sleeves and gloves?

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u/13013-Chan 12d ago

Work smart, not hard!

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u/bods_life 12d ago

So good, lol

2

u/sghostfreak 12d ago

Much better than those lame self defense videos....but gotta be real quick with the lighter😂

2

u/Z3R0Diro 12d ago

I expected her to be utterly humiliated. She has my respect.

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u/Better_Incident_4903 12d ago

That’s not how u do the lock..

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u/Reaver1138 12d ago

Tell me you don't know the difference between a headlock and a choke without telling me. (Still a funny skit though)

2

u/lizardwizard563412 12d ago

Bjj experts hate this trick!

2

u/ReallyJTL 12d ago

I feel like that has won her many, many bets at the bar.

2

u/Jack_intheboxx 12d ago

Those flamethrower lighter guys are gonna get some more sales now.

2

u/Darth_Mornteth 12d ago

That’s not a headlock

2

u/DesmodontinaeDiaboli 12d ago

Ah yes fire, the longest running great equalizer.

2

u/Kevmacdee 12d ago

Not a headlock but cool

2

u/Mickey_Havoc 12d ago

I was expecting a dick kick but this is good! I mean, use what’s available right?

2

u/FictionalDudeWanted 12d ago

A perfect self defense life hack. Always keep a weapon in your hand and more in your pockets and in your socks, especially flat box cutters. Sharpened knitting needles can go in your hair when you pin it up. Remorseless pieces of metal make a perfect gift.

2

u/Snugg_Bugg 12d ago

Now THAT'S self defense! Set your enemies ablaze!

2

u/JOlRacin 12d ago

I thought it was a remote, and that her necklace was electrified for an embarrassedly long time

2

u/rghernandez311 12d ago

I was not expecting that but well done.

2

u/Syko-ink 12d ago

She talks about a headlock, proceeds to put her in a rear naked choke 💀

2

u/Danceswithdads 12d ago

Can you not Reshare Justin flom?

2

u/azeumicus 12d ago

Try that in the winter.

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u/OMAR_KD- 12d ago

Ok but realistically he would put force behind the headlock. She proved nothing and burned his arm.

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u/DeBlingo 12d ago

Better than YouTuber gun totting

2

u/rscmcl 12d ago

in a real head lock (not that soft hug) wouldn't work... mostly because of panic

2

u/KrakHoe 12d ago

This one inspires joy

2

u/TheRedstoneReddit 12d ago

Well wasn't expecting that, but yeah, no that works.

2

u/ELMACHO007 12d ago

She wasn't lying lol

2

u/wubbled2 12d ago

That was a chokehold, not a headlock

2

u/_______luke 12d ago

I know this is funny and all, but if someone gets a solid rear naked choke on you there won’t be time to think about fishing for a lighter. It only takes like a second or two before the lights start to go out and you aren’t able to do much of anything except go nighty night.

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u/BUDSGREEN420 12d ago

Not a headlock. That's a sleeper hold.

2

u/TheLemonDome 12d ago

*Someone tries putting me into a headlock*
*doesn't have portable zapper*
*goes to stick knife in nearest outlet while headlocked*

2

u/Cute_Street6922 12d ago

That's 30 seconds of my life that I'd like to get back..

2

u/Kelyaan 12d ago

I was not expecting elbow lighter - I was expecting a finger to find an ass or something.

2

u/Gam3rT1m3 12d ago

Physically impossible. Intellectually easy.

2

u/Sudden_Buffalo_4393 12d ago

Wouldn’t trust that in an attack, but great party trick.

2

u/Tyrant_Nemesis 12d ago

That’s funny 😂 I was expecting him to put her in a headlock and her to be so cocky and unable to get out of it but man, well played lady haha

2

u/Competitive_Meat_772 12d ago

Ahhh, I see your Bic-Fu is very Good!

2

u/Provide-r 12d ago

Gotta say though without the element of surprise this wouldn't work, if i wanted to kill someone and i knew about this trick instead of a head lock I'd just snap the neck (not taking into account other ways of murder) and incapacitation was the goal, if i was in the position to head lock i might try just smashing the head of the ground by kicked them behind the knee and grabbing the head then u could get on top and pin the arms with my legs as i choke em, dunno if they have counter measures for that though and I'm too sleepy to put more thought into this shiz

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u/holydiver011 12d ago

Who the fuck starts a conversation like that?

2

u/FrankieFiveAngels 12d ago

That was honestly impressive

2

u/Comickid1088 12d ago

I doubt in the heat of moment you fighting will pull out a lighter.... lmfao

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u/carefreeDesigner 12d ago

Why is no one talking about how the scream isn't even cut at all. Like, I get it, it's a funny video but, not cutting the scream literally goes against Rule 1...

2

u/JackStephanovich 12d ago

This predictable and scripted video had to be a full minute long?

2

u/must_not_forget_pwd 12d ago

Please don't do this, your neck could be easily snapped. Just look at her size, especially muscle and bone density. A real attacker would swing her around like a ragdoll by the neck.

2

u/WaltuhINeedTheRaygun 12d ago

This is the dirtiest shit ever. Luckily, some of us have Fire Protection II.

2

u/Warm_Camel530 12d ago

About time y’all did a good video leave the toilets out

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u/Intelligent-Snow7250 12d ago

Honestly not at all what I was expecting lol

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u/Hi_Kitsune 12d ago

That’s was actually pretty good lol.

2

u/HVACMRAD 12d ago

She had older brothers.

2

u/No-Raspberry7073 12d ago

Unless it’s winter time and they’re wearing jackets 😂

2

u/PralineMae 12d ago

Hahaha. I love that. I wasn't expecting that at all. Gotta start packing a lighter..

2

u/lirmy 11d ago

Next to no energy = thermal energy, apparently

2

u/Deezkneezsneeze 11d ago

To be fair he asked if it was a technique lol

2

u/Ok-Yesterday4127 11d ago

That dude is the most scripted post covid “content creator” I’ve ever seen. #cringe

2

u/the_pezcorekid 11d ago

Fuck this asshole dude. I hate him

2

u/someotherguyinNH 11d ago

I'm going to win alot of bar bets with this lol

2

u/jjcoola 11d ago

I was expecting some balls trauma