r/tumblr I plummet more than I tumble. 12d ago

Too real. Not enough fiction.

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23.2k Upvotes

286 comments sorted by

1.3k

u/Otherwise_Notice6421 12d ago

Same...I thought it was just a regular post about today...

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u/PunishedMatador 12d ago

We had the avatar of all 7 deadly sins as president, whose followers openly bore his mark upon their heads, and "Christians" are like yes please give me more of that

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u/Productof2020 12d ago

Wow, that is definitely an interesting way to put it. I’m going to look up some revelations scriptures for more parallels here.

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u/dragongrl 12d ago

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u/_deep_thot42 12d ago

I knew what this was without even clicking. That article haunts me, it’s really well written

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u/funguyshroom 12d ago

If god is real he must be a 4chan /b/ level troll. 'Honoring the god of border walls' had me in stitches.

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u/im-out_of_ideas 11d ago

further proving that God does indeed have a batshit sense of humor

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u/LaicaTheDino 12d ago

Wh- holy shit

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u/Mephidia 12d ago

Holy terrible ad hell

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u/dragongrl 12d ago

Sorry. I don't have any. Guess my ad blockers are working.

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u/Merpie101 12d ago

I mean, I had the feeling

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u/Long_Serpent 11d ago

First time I saw that one - thank you for posting.

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u/kingnico89 12d ago

They lost me at "7 hills = 7 trump towers", wouldn't the G7 be more like the 7 hills / 7 heads?

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u/Jackal_6 12d ago

✨It's whatever you want it to be ✨

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u/SYLOK_THEAROUSED 12d ago

Well Trump couldn’t be the Antichrist for one reason. The Antichrist is suppose to unite the world. Which trump didn’t at all lol.

The Antichrist is suppose to unite the world and put it under a one world religion which honestly trump easily pulled off with his fan base but not everyone else.

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u/Icy_Praline_1297 12d ago

Thank you for single handedly saving me from going down a rabbit hole of religious paranoia, which is a weird thing to happen since I'm not even a Christian But yeah, thanks cause that shit really got to me ngl

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u/SYLOK_THEAROUSED 12d ago

Not a problem. I ironically love the book of revelation. It’s trippy.

Also fun fact! In the Book of Revelation it says flat out (and I’m paraphrasing) “aye if anyone changes a single word in this book then every single thing mentioned in this book will happen directly to you aka FAFO if you want to”

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u/mitsuhachi 12d ago

King james in for a TIME

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u/acolyte357 12d ago

I mean if you don't believe in a self resurrecting zombie, you should ignore these even more ridiculous hell myths.

It's akin to a christian telling a non-believer they are going to go to a place the non-believer also doesn't believe exists.

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u/khavii 12d ago

Sorry, he did, it's taken some time but his particular brand of nuts "conservatism" is quickly becoming the default worldwide. They have been having international meetings to discuss how to bring this version of conservatism everywhere, almost like a deep state.

The antichrist isn't going to unite EVERYONE but it will unite EVERYONE who is susceptible to evil. In fact, those that come to faith after the rapture will have to suffer under them without caving until their reign ends.

I don't believe in the antichrist, or Christ, but Trump and his following sure are close.

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u/Aiyon 12d ago

A lot of American evangelicals (and plenty of more secular ppl to be fair) don’t really make a distinction between “America” and “the world” to be fair

So his cult being so widespread almost fits American theology

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u/redworm 12d ago

Well, not yet

See how 2024 turns out and if this guy is put in charge of the US military again

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u/ma2016 12d ago

There's been several well written articles with the parallels laid out if you're interested enough to find them.

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u/Delta64 12d ago

They love to say Satan is a liar and a deceiver.... and then they don't think that the best place for a thing like that to hide would be in an unsuspicious position in a church.

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u/UncleIrohsPimpHand 12d ago

Covid was a rapture.

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u/Grom260 12d ago

Nah. People like Hermann cain died but if anyone was worthy of rapture it would be dolly parton, who instead helped get the vaccine created.

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u/beruon 12d ago

Yeah I thought it was a bit deranged alt right post LMAO

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u/SquareTaro3270 12d ago

Sounds like something my dad would post unironically while complaining about gay people existing

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u/Chataboutgames 12d ago

Then you desperately need sone perspective

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u/XxOneWithSlimesxX 12d ago

You say that as if life in general hasn't been good, especially compared to the last few years.

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u/mapple3 12d ago

Millenials suffered through 6 or so once-in-a-lifetime crisis's and none of us can afford rent or food because wealth inequality is worse than it was during the famous "great depression", so excuse us if we're not happy with the world

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u/XxOneWithSlimesxX 12d ago

Wealth inequality? How, why and what does this cause? Also, what crises were there that I wasn't aware of?

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u/Callidonaut 12d ago

Wealth inequality? How, why and what does this cause?

The short answers to those questions would, respectively, be: surplus extraction, naked greed, and grinding poverty. For further information, consult Marx & Engels.

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u/XxOneWithSlimesxX 12d ago

I ain't delving into that communist crap, but can you explain your points a little further, please? What is surplus extraction? Of oil, I assume? And who exactly is being greedy here?

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u/Callidonaut 12d ago edited 12d ago

I ain't delving into that communist crap, but can you explain your points a little further, please?

With all due respect, bugger off; perhaps you don't realise the enormity of what you're asking, but I'm not going to condense the entirety of one of the most important and influential economic textbooks ever written for you just because you're afraid to read it yourself, but I guess I can take the time to at least give you a few more keywords to get you started on learning for yourself.

What is surplus extraction? Of oil, I assume?

No; of surplus value, the unearned subcomponent of profit that works out, in the final balance, to represent uncompensated labour of the proletariat, AKA the working class. Read the book, it's clearly defined and explained, with both hypothetical and historical examples, although the 19th century writing style can take a little getting used to. The Victorians really liked long books.

And who exactly is being greedy here?

The bourgeoisie, AKA the private owners of the means of production.

Seriously, dude or dudette, if you genuinely want to know, then read the book, there are too many new concepts and specific terms to explain simultaneously (such as the difference between private and personal property, for example) to squeeze it all into a couple of Reddit posts.

If it helps make "that communist crap" more palatable for you, you might be very interested to know that Marx takes the ideas of Adam Smith as a starting point, and builds upon them - yes, that Adam Smith, famous author of The Wealth of Nations, darling of the libertarians and the guy who used to be on the back of the £20 note. If that's still not enough to pique your curiosity, hey, maybe you should still give it a glance just to know thine enemy, eh? Lest you've been given the wrong impression by propaganda, Capital (more commonly known by its German title Das Kapital) is not some badly written irrational hate screed like, say, Mein Kampf; it's a serious and well-considered academic work, and a landmark in human philosophy and literature. Even if you disagree with every carefully argued point it makes, it is food for thought.

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u/Pocketfulofgeek 12d ago

gasp This is the bad place!

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u/Defiant_Potato5512 12d ago

Jason figured it out? Jason?? This is a real low point

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u/Takeout_Stakeout27 12d ago

Yeah this one hurts

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u/Martin_Aurelius 12d ago

"If you’re a devil, how come you’re not wearing Prada?"

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u/SYLOK_THEAROUSED 12d ago

Hate the movie but love the band.

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u/Ben_Wojdyla 12d ago

Man, Jason was such a loveable character.

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u/Oldnumber007 12d ago edited 12d ago

Holy motherforking shirt balls.

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u/LazyLion1127 12d ago

evil maniacal laughter

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u/Jamman388 a pile of bees disguised as a person 12d ago
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u/ImmaZoni 11d ago

Holy Forking Short Balls....

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u/AdmiralClover 12d ago

I do wonder if this is a fear that some Christians might have.

What if the rapture has already happened and you just weren't worthy?

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u/OverlordMMM 12d ago

I wonder what they would think is worse, if it happened and they missed the boat, or it happened previously and we currently live in heaven now.

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u/K-K3 12d ago

For situation one, it's the stages of grief. Like, most likely that.

For situation two you get broken philosophy, "where is your God now" and all that jazz. Because if this is heaven, then how bad is hell?

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u/foxtrotgd 12d ago

And another thing for the second one is what happens to the people who die in heaven?

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u/BrandoThePando 12d ago

Heaven 2

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u/skarby 12d ago

Electric Bungaloo

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u/Ajunadeeper 12d ago

Holy Hell

I mean heaven

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u/choseph 12d ago

Believe it or not, straight to hell.

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u/J5892 12d ago

hellven

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u/J5892 12d ago

They go to Hellen.

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u/WanderThinker 12d ago

I read a lot...

Quantum Suicide/Immortality comes into play here.

What if each of us exists in our OWN universe? We will never experience our own deaths. Only those around us will.

At some point, you die in the other person's universe. In your universe, they die.

Yet you both go on, without each other.

Until the end.

When you're the last conscious being in your own universe. That you've shaped through your own actions over eternity.

We literally create our own heaven or hell, and our universes interact with one another, which is why we never experience the full breadth of either.

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u/Kongas_follower 12d ago

So it means that there also must be equally proportional quantum mortality? Meaning that you actually did die in each and all of those universes. Perhaps every single second you “survive” a heart attack, but there is a thick trail of your own dead bodies behind you?

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u/TheBirminghamBear 12d ago

Depends on what you mean by "you". You would leave a trail of bodies, yes, but if the fundamental reality of your individual universe is that "you exist", then these bodies become meaningless.

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u/WanderThinker 12d ago

Maybe?

I have no idea. I've never heard of Quantum Mortality, but I can see where you expect there to be an opposite for everything.

In that case, though... dead is dead. The trail would only be one body and our consciousness would cease to exist.

So we'd never ever know about it, since it couldn't be communicated.

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u/AmyDeferred 12d ago

Solipsism 2: Multiplayer edition

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u/WanderThinker 12d ago

I just had a great video game idea...

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u/Darraghj12 12d ago

Impossible there is death and suffering gay men holding hands

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u/sandm000 12d ago

With the number of dead babies killed by bombs, this surely can’t be heaven.

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u/OverlordMMM 12d ago

There's no reason to assume it is or isn't heaven.

Because if God (in the Christian sense) was benevolent and powerful those babies would never come to harm to begin with.

If those traits associated with God are incorrect/misunderstood, this could be heaven on the simple concept that this is the lesser evil of worlds.

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u/Wild-Lychee-3312 12d ago

Speaking as someone who once believed in all this without doubt, “we’re in heaven already” simply doesn’t compute for the kind of Christian who believes in the Rapture. It’s too different from what they believe/we believed Heaven is like.

We’re “obviously” not in Heaven, so if the Rapture has already happened, then obviously we’re the folks who were Left Behind.

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u/4spooky6you 12d ago

You'd have to have just the loosest definition of heaven for it to be the second

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u/OverlordMMM 12d ago

If this is the world with the least amount of suffering, it could conceptually be heaven, but in our attempts to escape this world we've been neglecting it and one another.

Nature naturally exists in a chaotic balance, but we are the only known species that can destroy the existence of all that exists on our world. Perhaps this was heaven and we destroyed it.

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u/ronin1066 12d ago

There are plenty who claim this is the case. One version is called Preterism

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u/FILTER_OUT_T_D 12d ago

Specifically “full preterism” which many find heretical. Partial or “classical” preterism is the eschatological view most modern churches preach. But I guess it wouldn’t be as fun if the message was “well, all the prophecies have been resolved so there’s not much left for us here.”

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u/khajiithasmemes2 12d ago

I’m not worried because the Rapture is a exclusively American Protestant belief that emerged in the 19th century.

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u/PreferredSelection 12d ago

Um excuse me, raptures have been around since the late cretaceous period.

(Please read in John C Rielly's Steve Brule voice)

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u/AbsolutelyUnlikely 12d ago

Yeah well if European government and religion weren't both so terrible, neither Americans nor Protestants would exist.

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u/Pixel-1606 12d ago

Early christians were essentially a doomsday cult of Jews in reaction to a rapidly degrading Roman empire, they would not have believed the world to last beyond their lifespans, let alone 2000 years, Jesus was sent/came to save his people's souls before the rapture.
They altered the message over the centuries that followed ofc, but the end never wasn't nigh somehow.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/MrLore 12d ago

They created a workaround for that, Jesus inflicted immortality on a guy known as The Wandering Jew so that when he does return that prophecy will be correct as he's supposedly still alive.

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u/FILTER_OUT_T_D 12d ago

Precisely. Also Jews at the time of Jesus didn’t believe in the afterlife as your soul was literally your breath and they were inseparable. It’s why wind, spirit, soul, and breath and used semi-interchangeably in the Torah.

I would be curious to know what had the most influence in adding the concept of an afterlife to Christianity.

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u/OverlordMMM 12d ago

It probably was due to the Roman Empire trade routes allowing myths and legends from other religions flowing into the region.

Because nearly all other religions prior had some sort of afterlife associated with it. Combine that with the suffering Jewish people dealt with during that time under Roman subjugation + issues with local theocratic leaders abusing power and you have lots of folks wishing for a better life that might not be viewed within their own lifetime.

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u/Wild-Lychee-3312 12d ago

Speaking as someone who was raised by very Christian parents, I used to worry about this all the time as a child.

Like I would come home from school, and if I didn’t see at least one of my family members in the first couple of minutes, I’d start to worry that I had been Left Behind.

(Capital letters because that’s like the official term for it among Christians who believe that the Rapture might occur in their lifetimes.)

They showed a movie about the Rapture in church when I was a kid, featuring this song

I had nightmares about it occasionally.

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u/ColorSplit_CC 11d ago

Same. Serious religious trauma inflicted on so many people because of this somewhat new theology that’s barely biblically supported. I hate rapture theology.

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u/Randicore 12d ago

Then I don't care because if my sins were enough to not be considered good then I don't want to be around the insufferable bastards who did get in.

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u/Piorn 12d ago

Lmao why would God make unworthy people just to abandon them? Seems like a net zero gain.

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u/PreferredSelection 12d ago

Aiight I'm going to join this guy's religion; finally someone talking some sense.

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u/basics 12d ago

Too much introspection for any modern "Christian" I know.

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u/FILTER_OUT_T_D 12d ago

Well the rapture isn’t biblical to begin with, but there is a whole school of thought called full preterism that suggests all the prophecies of the Bible were resolved with the fall of the Jewish temple around 70CE. So according to that view the end days has already occurred and we are living in a post-end days world.

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u/k1dsmoke 12d ago

Evangelicals do not worry about this, their ego would never let them question it. Every generation thinks their the last though.

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u/Pepperoni_Dogfart 12d ago

They say the Lord works in mysterious ways. Maybe Covid was the instrument of the rapture?

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u/AllPurposeNerd 12d ago

Demons walk among us. They roll coal and antagonize cashiers and most don't even remember that they're not really human.

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u/BigSlav667 12d ago

AMOGUS????

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u/LadyAzure17 12d ago

Oh thats who I was helping last saturday at work, huh

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u/saintcrazy 12d ago

Fitting that the demons would love rolling around in black clouds of sulfurous smoke

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u/SquareTaro3270 12d ago

My dad has told me I’m possessed by the devil and there’s nothing he can do to “save my wicked soul” because I stopped going to church and also think women are kinda hot

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u/SoleilSoreiyu 12d ago

Real, rock that demonic possession

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u/_MurphysLawyer_ 12d ago

Women are kinda hot, that's something he should relate to with you

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u/SquareTaro3270 12d ago

Judging by his relationship with my mother and my half-brother's mom, I'm not sure he actually likes women... or people in general.

He'd probably be out as gay or asexual if it wasn't for the overwhelming Catholic guilt. Him and my mom should've been divorced decades ago, but they stayed together because "that's just what you do". They despise each other and haven't shared a bed since my younger brother was born.

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u/Altruistic-Beach7625 12d ago

About the rapture, there were probably a few unexplained disappearances but people didn't notice that either.

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u/SheridaH 12d ago

"Oh, she was always such a lovely person. Terrible how she suddenly disappeared"

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u/octopoddle 12d ago

"Must have been the wind."

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u/someguy1910 12d ago

It casts a wicked dream.

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u/SH4D0W0733 12d ago

A spear pierced my shield.

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u/One-Inch-Punch 12d ago

Remember that spate of well-loved entertainers dying around 2016?

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u/urban-railing 12d ago

We are not actually alive. We all died of Covid years ago and are all in hell

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u/Ok-State-3154 12d ago

well, if there's no noticable difference between life before the pandemic and afterlife after, was our "eternal damnation" relevant to anything? i mean come on, mysterious cosmic forces, i know humanity is far from ideal, but just copy-pasting the existing universe and calling it a day because "humanity was dooming themselves to hell even while they lived" or something is just lazy, uncreative, and pretentious. At least give us banger metal music eminating through the air.

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u/OverlordMMM 12d ago

Don't you mean we got matrixed by Y2K?

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u/TheSeaMeat 12d ago

The world ended in 2012. Just no one noticed.

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u/hazeyindahead 12d ago

All of us are collectively living in the last few moments of our lives like spotless mind

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u/sandm000 12d ago

Is this an offshoot of Last Thursdayism

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u/DuntadaMan 12d ago

Only the Macho Man Randy Savage was worthy of being saved. And then he elbow dropped Jesus from the top rope, ending the second coming.

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u/TravelinDan88 12d ago

This would have been sillier if /u/shittymorph were here.

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u/Odd-Establishment104 12d ago

The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell

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u/Petrodono 12d ago edited 12d ago

Jesus Christ returned to Earth in 1821 in the form of 6’8 black man in Alabama. No one realized who he was and no one followed him. He was born into slavery so his master beat him mercilessly, the weight of the pain, injustice and hatred in the world led his mind to become feeble and he wandered aimlessly healing pain and suffering where he could for 111 years until he was wrongfully convicted of a horrible crime in Alabama when he was unable to help two small children and was caught by the authorities with the two children and was mistaken for their killer. He was put to death in the electric chair in 1932 but not before saving the immortal souls of one penitent murderer and the prison guards who executed him. During his short time on death row, he also condemned a evil man to hell, and saved an innocent woman from a gruesome and painful death.

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u/FILTER_OUT_T_D 12d ago

I should go watch the green mile again.

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u/Petrodono 12d ago

You should also read the book.

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u/FILTER_OUT_T_D 12d ago

Not a bad idea. I’ve been making my way through the Dark Tower series and have really enjoyed it. I hadn’t read a King book since probably Pet Sematary back in middle school.

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u/Petrodono 12d ago

It's a fast read and one of my favorites.

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u/Wild-Lychee-3312 12d ago

I’m tired, boss.

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u/bunnydadi 12d ago

Whoever is writing our story needs to give us a break, please?

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u/iwannalynch 12d ago

Loki, holding this timeline in his hand: No, I don't think I will

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u/I-Have-An-Alibi 12d ago

That's it, I'm going after our branches Infinity Stones. I've had enough of this crap. I'm gonna make my own reality, with blackjack and hookers.

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u/OverlordMMM 12d ago

They have had a writer's block and have just resorted to filler until they start a new series.

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u/bunnydadi 12d ago

It seems like they got an ending with climate change and we are just waiting until they cut to that.

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u/marckshark 12d ago

alt:

this is heaven.

this life and this reality is as close to god as we will be. we are with the divine now, in this life, in this body, in this consciousness, all around us. all the mythology we invent, it's our minds grasping for any way to connect and make sense of the vast incomprehensible miracle that we inhabit and knead it into something we can stomach, that fits our view. the intricacies of life, of nature, of the universe, all self-referential and infinitely complex, this is heaven for whatever it's worth, and our consciousnesses are special only in that they are brief and fleeting, and the flame that burns inside us will one day be returned back to the rest of the universe. seeking the divine in some sort of afterlife, post hoc rationalizing that we must be special and unique instead of some extremely unlikely and fortunate arrangement of matter and energy that was statistically inevitable in an infinite cosmos has led us to discount the beauty of where we are, what we have, and what our minds inhabit.

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u/lovelaceslace 12d ago

Is that you, Leibnitz?

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u/itijara 12d ago

It's actually Dr. Pangloss

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u/marckshark 12d ago

it definitely is the best of all possible worlds, but that's because it's the only one we get. the notion that only "good" things happen in heaven is a distinctly judeo-christian conceit - strife and struggle and chaos are still beautiful when considered through the lens of the whole universe; it's a forge through which all things are possible, built on the geometric properties of a few kinds of elementary particles.

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u/itijara 12d ago

As a Jew, it is just Christian conceit. We have a concept of "the world to come" but it isn't heaven and doesn't, necessarily, have only "good" things. Also, Jews don't have dogma, so nobody actually agrees on what it actually means.

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u/WanderThinker 12d ago

You could never objectively classify anything as Good without first knowing Evil.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/WanderThinker 12d ago

I don't need to demonstrate the claim, as I believe it to be apparent truth.

It's easily tested.

Find something you consider good. Then tell me why it is good without describing something bad.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago edited 12d ago

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u/WanderThinker 12d ago edited 12d ago

I can't do that.

Objective is it's own thing. It means lack of judgement.

Objective Good counters that by being pre-judged.

Without the dichotomy of good or bad, pain or suffering, etc... everything would just be normal.

So I can't do what you ask.

EDIT: My point is that both good and evil are subjective constructs and cannot be objectively defined.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/Improving_Myself_ 12d ago

Counter argument: This is both heaven and hell. Humans are both the angels and the demons, and the animals are the souls that are either enjoying their eternal reward (good pet owners), being tormented (bad pet owners, commercial farming), or in limbo (wild).

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u/marckshark 12d ago

nah, that again relies too heavily on the "reward" and "punishment" paradigms. our sole reward is the opportunity to live here, now, and experience everything we get to experience. the reward is being close to the divine, and that's what we have.

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u/sleepy__socks 12d ago edited 12d ago

How good does one need to have been in order to be a cat in ancient Egypt?

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u/morgaur 12d ago

Trying to post something nice and getting downvoted says a lot about the world we live in.

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u/Zefirus 12d ago

I read this and just think of the Matrix and the machines recreating the Earth exactly as it was because a heaven-like utopia was too unrealistic.

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u/bobbydigital_ftw 12d ago

I was actually thinking you could tell super religious people that Covid was the Rapture and they were left behind just to see their reaction

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u/Andy_B_Goode 12d ago

The Mayans were right about 2012

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u/BadbadwickedZoot 12d ago

As far as I'm concerned, when Bowie died, it all started to go to shit.

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u/Other_Waffer 12d ago edited 12d ago

It was a writing prompt?!

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u/MyLittleTarget 12d ago

We know the Rapture hasn't happened yet. Dolly Parton is still here.

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u/i_have___milk 12d ago

Life imitates art

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u/VerumJerum 12d ago

Honestly I just thought it was some religious fanatic going on a rant about how the world is doomed because of gay people in the media and whatever pop culture trend young people are up to again.

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u/rock_and_rolo 12d ago

I recall some show, maybe Red Dwarf, had a scene with the news audio playing in the background:

Apparently the Rapture happened last Tuesday, but no one noticed as it only affected 4 people in North Dakota.

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u/VmiriamV05 11d ago

Good omens vibes

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u/Nonamebigshot 12d ago

But if that were true wouldn't all the children be gone? They're still innocents.

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u/PhenomenalPancake I plummet more than I tumble. 12d ago

Have you MET a child!?

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u/lefleurpetalers 12d ago

children are viscous

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u/wonkey_monkey 12d ago

viscous

Technically yes

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u/lefleurpetalers 12d ago

viscous, vicious

same difference

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u/GladiatorUA 12d ago

But have they condemned Hamas accepted JC as their savior? No? Tough.

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u/FiveOhFive91 12d ago

The empire never ended

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u/IceColdTear 12d ago

It feels like they keep coming back to make it a bit worse so we will notice, and nobody has yet.

I am just hoping the final trip they make doesn't involve Trump 2024.

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u/TheBackyardigirl 12d ago

Wasn’t this sorta the plot of Good Omens in S1 with Adam

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u/FlamePuppet 12d ago

Bro made a writing prompt about our current daily lives.

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u/MunchkinTime69420 12d ago

I swear in the Bible it said the devil would come as a false prophet. He won't come in pointy horns and a red cape

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u/LazyLich 12d ago

Personally, I like the concept where Jesus was the antichrist.

Think about it: pre-Jesus, Yahweh was, like, super brutal and cruel. "Do what I say or I'll burn everything around you, fuck collateral damage" type of person. The kinda person that has all the power, but still orders his warriors to not spare the children or babies.
Basically a war god.

Then this Jesus dude comes along and claims to be the Messiah? The Anointed One?
That's like Ares anointing a peace-loving hippie to lead his people!

He's the opposite of what his anointed one should be like. An ANTI-christ, if you will.

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u/opisska 12d ago

Why do so many people perpetuate this idea that we live in somehow terrible times? Yes, there was a pandemic, but that simply happens once in a while - and we developed vaccines and therapies in record time. Yes there are wars, but there are actually far less wars nowadays than the historic average. I think people just need to feel like they are exposed to some terrible external conditions to justify their internal unhappiness.

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u/SnooPears3463 12d ago

If I go to hell imma vibe more with Lucifer than I would with this genocidal god

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u/SmegmasaurusWrecks 12d ago

Either everyone became more of an asshole over the pandemic, or all the good people are gone.

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u/nickiter 12d ago edited 12d ago

At first, everyone said, "But where is the lake of fire and the eternal torment?" But gradually, as Biblical scholars and the people of the world came to realize, the Gehenna of the bible referred not to a literal place of eternal fire, but simply to the trash fires that burned day and night outside the walls of cities in biblical days, then called a gehenna.

It also referred to the Valley of Gehenna, which, it turned out, was just where Mark caught gonorrhea prior to writing his Gospel. He was pretty salty about it.

The punishment included heat, of course, but no one was dropped into a lake of fire... Instead, everyone gradually came to realize that it was simply going to get hotter and hotter, every year. (Plus, gonorrhea REALLY took off. Blame Mark.) The punishment was knowing that the trash fire would never be extinguished, because you can't stop everyone from continuing to pile trash on it.

And that, ultimately, was the real punishment. Not a lake of fire, or a hot poker to the anus, but to live your life with the certainty that the world around you, in every way, was only going to get worse. A person can get used to a hot poker in just about any body part. But knowing that the poker is somehow going to hurt more, every year, and knowing that the people around you could choose to stop the anal hot poking but simply don't want to... That is hell.

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u/SenoraRaton 12d ago

Actually to be correct, this guy was right, and the rapture happened on May 21, 2011. No one went anywhere.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_end_times_prediction

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u/Balding_Unit 12d ago

huh this is actually how I think about the world. I really think the 'rapture' already happened ages ago.... what we have now is our hell on earth, its only going to get worse. So no one is going to be lifted up to the sky, god isn't coming because he's pretty much already done with us. lol We get what we get, and we have to live with it.

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u/Fancykiddens 12d ago

I think about this often. I'm a housewife in the suburbs of hell. Even television shows are trying to tell us we're in hell. When I watched The Good Place, I knew that they were actually in hell because in heaven there wouldn't be frozen yogurt. It would be ice cream!!!

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u/Monty_Jones_Jr 12d ago

“I know, I know I’ve let you down. I’ve been a fool to myself…”

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u/healyxrt 12d ago

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

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u/casualmasual 12d ago

Huh, this was more or less a throwaway joke on Futurama which rather impacted the history/lore, and an actual plot of Rick and Morty in Mortyplicity, more or less.

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u/rathemighty 12d ago

I mean, I’m pretty sure if the rapture DID happen, I’d notice when my mom wasn’t around

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u/TheMusiKid 12d ago

I noticed this was Hell in 2018. Now I'm behind the curve.

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u/Ok-Appeal-4630 12d ago

Least edgiest tumblr post

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u/Sams59k 12d ago

Least and superlatives don't mix

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u/Chataboutgames 12d ago

So fucking cringey calling this “too real.” If you’re reading this, you almost certainly have it better than 99.999999% of people to ever walk the Earth. Calling this Hell is just edgelord shit.

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u/SuspiciousSubstance9 12d ago

At this point, 2012 was a decade. Damn Mayans and their misread calendars...